Friday, August 04, 2006

S&M and Treadmilleography

What can I say, I am a sucker for a well choreographed dance video - throw in a treadmill, or even 6 of 'em, and I am hooked. Check out this fabulous video which involves a very well treadmilleographed dance by 4 very limber fellows from the band Ok Go (see video here).

In other choreography news, Danity Kane, P. Diddys newest Frankenstein creation, is spicing up my Thursday nights with Making the Band Part 3 - or, as I like to call the show, "P. Diddy Tortures Some Girls" which I find to be FAR more accurate.

Danity Kane is the name that Diddy's latest group of skin revealing munchkins have chosen for themselves. When asked to explain it, they simply said that it was the name they had chosen for a make believe superhero which represents them.

Or, as the blond one with the funny fugly face said, "Nobody asks what Coldplay or Hoobastank means! I mean, just accept it people!"

This show satisfies all my voyeuristic and sadomasochistic urges. Essentially, Diddy and his band of merry fame whores strip down a group of svelte, big-haired naked ladies and then build them back up again an hour later. Oooh, it is torture and pleasure at its very best!

Invariably, every episode involves some form of public humiliation such as, "Aubrey, you don't sing for shit! You all sound like a bunch of cats in heat! Why are you wasting my time? There are millions of girls who would kill to be where you are and you bring me this crap!"

Yes Diddy, it is a well known fact that vocal cords respond well to insults and pressure. I am sure the girls will sing like dulcet nightingales once you have set them on edge and made them feel like crap! Excellent way to bring out their very best!

And then a little bit later, "Aw girls, you worked hard today, good job. Each of you is so special. You got that star quality." And then he gives them some doggie treat like a new wardrobe, fancy photo shoot or a mansion in the Hollywood Hills.

Oooh, what fun! And the best is when they practice their dance moves - which are intensely choreographed and very complicated - in HEELS, with their big hair flipping around and practically nothing holding in their little titties! Then their dance teacher MaryAnne (also in heels with BIG hair swinging) strips them down yet again.

"Girls, that was just pitiful. I am so mad at you. There is no excuse for the garbage that I just saw. You are going to do it again and again until I am satisfied! NOW BRING IT!"

I must say that I do admire these girls. Anyone who can work their ass off in skimpy clothes, get dressed down and humiliated in public and then smile for the cameras as they schelack 10 tons of make-up on your face is A-OK in my humble book.

You go Danity Kane! Conquer the world and make Diddy your personal jester! You can watch some of their sadomasochistic fun and games on You Tube (see videos here). Oooh, reality TV, how I love thee.


Fuchsia Groan said...

They should have called the band "P Diddy Tortures Some Girls." Kind of clunky, but has the kitschy appeal that's making everyone eagerly await "Snakes on a Plane."

Except shouldn't that be "Diddy Tortures Some Girls"? Or "Sean Combs Tortures Some Girls"? I'm all confused now. Is he only Sean when he does theatuh?

Eva the Deadbeat said...

yes, i agree that "P Diddy Tortures Some Girls" is a FAR FAR FAR better title than Skanky Kane, oops, I mean Vanity Kane, Oops, I mean Candy Kane, darn it, DANITY CANE! what a silly name. what were those big-haired, naked ladies thinking? perhaps their gel products are frazzling their brain synopses??

Anonymous said...

whoever wrote that article sounds jealous

Eva the Deadbeat said...

hells yeah! i wants to be in Zanity Bane!!! sign me up for the fat old lady version!