Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Paris Pollutes YouTube

“I think every decade has an iconic blonde — like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana — and right now, I’m that icon.” - Paris The Humble Hilton

Just what YouTube needed, another barely-dressed, attention-starved, meagerly-talented individual hocking her whares. The only difference is that this one is already famous AND rich, which makes it slightly odd that she would bother to appeal to YouTubers at all. But the massive media machine has begun its complex machinations and, in order to break into the music industry like gangbusters, Paris Hilton is reaching out to the YouTube community.

The question is, are YouTubers listening? How will the hard to market to YTC (YouTube Community) respond to Paris and her plea for high record sales? Will they buy into her well-produced, cotton candy confection pop or will they chew her up and spit her out like saavy consumers?

Well, Paris is the 11th most subscribed channel this week on the YT. Subscriptions are what show how popular you are in the YTU (You Tube Universe) and this means Paris is doing just fine. Also, her home YT page claims that she logged in 25 minutes ago, me thinks it is far more likely that one of her computer saavy minions logged in to post more Paris slosh for her new subscribers to lap up.

Here is Paris' video actually addressing the You Tubers (see video) and entitled, "Hey YouTube - xoxo Paris." Enjoy her vacant-eyed, souless-stare as she mumbles, "Hey You Tubers, it's Paris, buy my album and make me more rich than the King of Persia, k, that's hot!" or something like that.

"OMG, did Paris Hilton just talk, like, to ME! I am going to die and go to heaven! That is SO COOL!" exclaimed YouTubers all over the world! Or did they?

jonmcsingee (11 hours ago)
Hey Paris! Welcome to youtube and I really like this song! Hope you keep making the music you love cuz it's obvious you have so much fun doing it and it translates to your songs. Forget the haters and do yo thang, girl!

The best part about Paris' predominantly positive 400+ comments is that people are responding to her as though she is the one posting on YouTube. Yes, I am sure that is the case and she will go and check out your videos and comment on your music as requested, yeah, and monkeys might fly out of her butt too! They really might, she owns a bunch of 'em!

bumgum (7 hours ago)
holy shit, i can't believe that stars actually do normal things like watch you tube!!! this changes my whole perspetive on celebrities!!!

nefa2ious (10 hours ago)
Paris, welcome to YouTube. My account is new aswell, but I've been kickin' and creepin' around for a long while. It says I'm a musician, but I'm not here to pursue a music career; it's just that I've studied and practiced music and like to compose now and then. Anyway, back on the subject: you'll shine on here; no doubt about that. Keep it fresh and poppin':) All the best. Again, welcome to YouTube.com.

Yes Paris, welcome to YouTube, I am so glad to know that you, like the rest of America, are sitting around in your lingerie late at night surfing the internet and trying to reach out to strangers by posting your videos! You are lonely and dissatisfied just like the rest of us! Oh wait, weren't you out partying with Jared Leto last night until 4am - you mean, you aren't a loser like the rest of us? So sad. My dreams are dashed. And did you know about Paris' high IQ? Again, I am shocked!

simbiotic (7 hours ago)
What most people dont realise is Paris has an iq of 165. Hard to beleave but she is realy smart. I like her at least shes honest. lol What she does and the way she acts is just a big CON she is a genius like her Grandfather. GOODONYA PARIS LMAO ;-)

Is this the YouTube of the future? Will the lonely girls, dirty whores and lazy dorks be replaced by 2D blonde bimbos out to make a buck by spewing their over-mixed pop into the teen feeding tube that is YouTube?

There was a glimmer of hope when Geriatric1927 became a YouTube sensation. This, I thought to myself, is the way YouTube needs to go. This is the YouTube of the future! We can reach out to different countries and generations and get to know one another through the magic of the internet! Yeah for technology!

But if over-exposed media-hobags like Paris are the future of YouTube, there is no room for this dream. If YouTube becomes a marketplace where generic media crap is sold to hungry viewers, then it is no different than TV. All of the YouTube, everyman-magic is lost.

As of this moment, Paris has 485 subscribers to geriatric1927's 22,000 subscribers. I can only hope that all the positive comments on her vid will be water under the bridge and Paris and her easy-listening pop will be a thing of the past once she begins to age and wrinkle. After all, don't you need a SOUL to be a musician? And we all know that she is one of a special breed of pretty people who was born without the baggage of a soul or a conscience or a sense of shame.

Last year, the author Naomi Wolf was quoted as saying Hilton is “an empty signifier you can project anything onto” — but she was wrong. To fans and haters alike, Hilton signifies the base desires of the age: money, sex and low body fat. So the interesting question is not why she fascinates us (we’re shallow), but how much her public persona matches her private self. I know for a fact that the airhead sauce-pot people love to hate is, at least in part, a creation. Because while teens are busy buying her perfume, sleazebags watching her fornicate online and intellectuals debating her worth, Hilton is making a second fortune. Forbes magazine estimated her earnings last year at £4m. Soon, her business profits will have eclipsed the inheritance on which the whole fantasy about her hinges, a sum she has to share with multiple other grandchildren, and which, though impressive, would never have landed her in the Sunday Times Rich List. - Gile Hattersley, read article here

Perhaps in 60 years, if YouTube is still around, Paris can start posting webcam videos pleading for attention from the confines of her swanky nursing home. She can even do a nursing home sex tape with Orlando Bloom! THEN, if I am still alive, I will watch her videos and become her biggest fan. But until then, PISS OFF PARIS. You are only stinking up the YouTube pond with your Barbie doll music. But maybe I am just being jealous, or gay...?

jbfin2005 (2 hours ago)
Wow that's awesome! You sound so great and you look like Barbie! lol thats great congrats and lots of luck to you. I think its gay how people act towards you..the truth is their jealous, and why shouldn't they be?! You're just too hottttt!

Is it tough? “It can be. Sometimes I feel like the media uses me as a punchbag.” What did you expect? “I know, but it doesn’t stop it being lame. But I love my job, and I think I’ve earned the right to be happy now. God gives you good karma if you work hard and play nice.” You’re religious? “Yes, Catholic.” Do you keep a Bible by your bed? “No.” Just a camcorder? At this, the smart blonde flicks her hair and deadpans, “Whatever, man. At least I’ll always be remembered.” - Gile Hattersley, read article here


casey said...

I listened to a little bit of Paris' new one on iTunes today, and you know what? It was a lot better than I'd expected.

That said, it's either a ringer doing the singing, or she's pitch-corrected beyond recognition. Ms. Hilton probably only showed up to do some blow off the mixing board or something.

I like to talk trash about her as much as the next hater, but at least she made some good shitty pop!

PS: remember Jennifer Love-Hewitt's attempts at musical glory? I think she was one of the pioneers of this kind of thing. Unfortunately, like many innovators, she came too early.

Eva the Deadbeat said...

good shitty pop, indeed! it's true, as a fan of shitty pop, I ACTUALLY LIKE HER SONGS! i am a pitiful pop hag and i will probably burn Paris' CD despite my hater's rant! her producer, scott scorch, is pretty talented when it comes to making solid tracks and hooks - he is the best that $$ can buy. and Paris' voice is not half bad. i am sure she will sell like hotcakes.

that said, i still would like her to get off my YouTube. she can sell her records, perfumes and toilet paper in malls across America but i would like to keep you tube for the normal pepole. that is just me though...

yep, poor jennifer love. but now she has a hit show and fake eyelashes to boot so she turned out ok in the end!