CNN Goes Oops

Oooh, don't we all love fuck ups! It is the nip slips, Freudian slips, silly trips, awkward bumbles and sound board goof ups that make live TV so worthwhile. The most recent whopper was when CNN accidentally aired its anchor's naughty girl talk as she peed and washed up in the bathroom OVER the image of Bush blabbing about how we are going "to damage, oops, I mean, repair the damage" in New Orleans (article here).

It is so perfect that you almost wonder if they were doing it on purpose. I mean, does anyone really care to hear Bush pretending to give a shit about the victims of Hurricane Katrina? I think not.

I might be interested in watching Bush choke on a pretzel, now THAT I would like to see, but fake empathy, yawn, some other time. I would much rather hear two ladies in a bathroom washing their hands, zipping up their pants and bitching about their sister-in-laws:

Phillips: "Brother–of course, brothers have to be, you know, protective. Except for mine. I’ve got to be protective of him."

[unidentified woman–unintelligible]

Phillips: "Yeah. He’s married, three kids, but his wife is just a control freak."

Well done Kyra Phillips and friend! Kyra, you get to read the Top 10 on the Late Show tonight so it seems your career has not suffered greatly and in the meantime, you have given us all a much needed guffaw. And hell, men are all assholes! You tell em! Good on ya girl!

Conan + YouTube + Emmys = WOW!

OK, so like most people I missed much of the Emmys and the little bits that I did see bored me to yawns. Luckily, The Daily Show and The Office got some well-deserved props but beyond that, I could have cared less about most of the bland TV fare they are pushing these days.

I mean, sheesh, who needs TV when you have YouTube, right? These days, I find myself watching more YouTube than TV. YouTube provides you with millions of options, peeks into random strangers bedrooms, a plethora of foreign TV bits and channel flipping options that are unparalleled in TV Land...and did I mention no commercials (yet).

Luckily for me, all the good bits from the Emmys were posted on YouTube immediately following its broadcast SO I got to enjoy the few good bits I missed. For instance, the big bang intro in which Conan O'Brien tumbles from one TV show to another (see video here).

With 9-11 flying fears still fresh for many of us, it was a little disturbing that the whole show kicked off with a realistic plane crash - but this intro was downright icky for the folks in Kentucky who had just experienced a real plane crash and did not see the humor through their trauma (see article here).

The plane crash was merely the lead in to a"Lost" segment which led to a genuinely funny bit where Conan climbed down into the set of "The Office," flirted with Pam, annoyed Dwight and stole some of Michael's thunder. Were it not for the wonders of YouTube, I never would have seen this little comedic gem!

My other favorite moment of the night was also posted on YouTube the next day (see video here). It was Jon Stewart (everyone's favorite porn for girls!) and Stephen Colbert who "brought the truth" to the "Godless sodomites" in Hollywood. Yes sir, that he did.

Colbert also expressed genuine astonishment (which we all shared) when he cried in shocked anguish, "I LOST TO BARRY MANILOW!?" I know, you were robbed Mr. Colbert. Manilow is unstoppable.

Said Colbert of TV: "It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies."

Said Colbert of the Emmy statues: "Kneel before your God Babylon!"

Another good bit was when Mindy Kaling's (writer and actor in "The Office") booby fell out of her dress while they were accepting their Best Comedy Show Emmy. Good one! The video of the nip slip and some other funny highlights are listed here on the always brilliant Defamer (link).

The greatest thrill, however, came when I was enjoying the better Emmy bits on YouTube the next day and was SHOCKED to hear Conan mention YouTube in his opening monologue!?

JEEZ! YouTube is like an unstoppable festering media tank that will plow through TV Land and our consumer cultural wasteland to leave a wrecked landscape of nothingness - sort of like what Barry Manilow did to the Emmys after his performance of "Bandstand."

So the Emmy YouTube mention goes something like this, Conan is teasing NBC for their crap ratings. He bursts out into a song called "Trouble" and bemoans the old days before Tivo when people went to the bathroom during commercials instead of skipping them. Then comes this bit:

"Then there's the internet. At this very moment your kids are on YouTube watching a CAT on a TOILET....instead of watching that footage where it belongs, on the Fox network!" - Conan O'Brien (me thinks this is the cat and the toilet video to which he refers but there are so many really, who can say...?)

Well put Conan. I wonder how many more YouTube references are to come and if, in the future, we will be watching MindTube (credit to Mr. Silverthorne on that one) where our brains will all be connected to each other and the voices in your head will be haters talking smack! Who knows, that day could be right around the corner!? In the meantime, we already have PornoTube (which is silly 'cause everyone knows YouTube has GREAT porn already!) - what is next?

Please to enjoy Conan's song and dance number with his YouTube reference which comes in at about the 7 minute mark:

Jon Stewart = Porn for Girls

Years ago, we featured Jon Stewart on The Deadbeat Club in our now defunct segment (which is being revived this month for some British hotties!), as our sizzling Hot Babe of the Month.

After going on and on about how fabulous he is (duh!), we showed a slobbering montage chock full o'Jon to the Scorpions tune, "Hurricane" - and he DOES rock us like a hurricane, every night except Friday-Sunday.

This Hurricane montage celebrates Jon in all his Daily Show glory as well as including some clips from his movie roles. Some highlights are: a funny bowl haircut in Death to Smoochy, some violence in The Faculty and a lot of kissing with Gillian Anderson in Playing by Heart. I posted the BOTM video montage of Jon on YouTube and the comments have been interesting.

susanweise (2 months ago)
*purrrrrr* I could watch that part all day where he kisses that girl. unf. What is that from?

So far, the comments are predominantly from women thanking me for this little slice of Jon which is, I agree, far better than porn. Since most of the porn industry is geared to men, and women's elusive sexual desires are notoriously hard to market to, I got to thinking that maybe Jon Stewart could satisfy the porn needs of a modern generation of women.

Katrielisa (4 days ago) Oh my god. That was better than porn. Thank you!

MonzaBird (3 days ago) Ohh yeah! toatally better than porn!

I mean, let's face it, reading a Playgirl does very little to excite me in any fashion. But watching Jon Stewart make goo goo eyes at the camera (AKA ME), well, that gets me all hot and bothered! A shirtless Brad Pitt is supposed to be every girl's fantasy, but really now, what is the difference between one beefcake and another? Brad Pitt and Nick Lachey are like the same bland muscular piece of meat to me, indistinguishable.

lovelyrita (3 weeks ago) yeah,he is the best! i love how he looked in The Faculty, that facial hear thing is so sexy.. and damn that Gillian Anderson!! damn her to helll!!!!!!:-P

But Jon Stewart with his puppy dog face, hangdog expressions, and his sparkling wit and cutting reparte, well, that is enough to make me scream Hallelujah! Even better, he is not like those obnoxious slabs of meat strutting about with their peacock feathers splayed. Jon plays the Mr. Humble, "Who, me?" schtick to a delicious T. Why can't Jon write a manual for other dudes, "How to be Irresistible to Women." Think of all the love he could spread!

Meanwhile, here is some Jon Stewart Porn for the Ladies, also known as The Jon Stewart Montage Full o' Love - oh, and ladies, keep your drool cup handy!:

Pretty Market Street

Paris VS Loca

"I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good." - Paris the Humble speaks about her new album

Paris Hilton has released her album (sales are not so HOT at the moment, YES, there is a God!) and the buzz on the street is, "Wow, it doesn't suck!" Good job Paris! You don't suck, or, er, well, you DO suck, sometimes, I mean, we've all seen you sucking...but, ehm...moving right along...

Paris' presence on YouTube has annoyed some and been welcomed by others. Like many other popular web gathering places, YouTube is trying to figure out how to make money without selling out to the "man" (see article here). Instead, they are selling out to Paris Hilton whose channel is being advertised on their site.

I understand their need for funding but I would still like to see YouTube remain the place for the "little people." You know, the people who don't have million dollar paychecks, travel the world with their pint sized pets and DO wear outfits more than once. You know, the people that grill your burgers, take out your trash and then go home to video blog? The real human beings?

Speaking of real, LittleLoca has some trash to talk about Paris and it is nice to hear one of the YouTube celebs speaking so plainly to the blonde bimbo.

Says LittleLoca, "Come on homegirl, get the hell outta here...This is our place homegirl, not yours."

Nevermind the fact that LittleLoca herself is somewhat of an enigma. Loca is an actress/model named Stevie Ryan (interview with Stevie here) working hard to make it in LA. Stevie is as skinny as Paris, as pretty and as photogenic, but she does not have heiress before her name and in LA, you need that edge.

Stevie plays a lot of popular identities on YouTube and her most famous is LittleLoca, a confident Mexican homegirl who wears blood red lipstick and does not mince words. Stevie also plays a French chanteuse, Ooohlalaa, a fake Paris Hilton bitchy girl called TheRealParis and, of course, she plays herself, StevieRyan. I hope all her hard work leads to a career in show biz, she definitely earns points for creativity and interesting YouTube wars with Boh3m3, Emmalina and Morbeck.

Says Loca to Paris, "Why the hell are you gonna come up on YouTube and take that away from us fool? Seriously homegirl, you rich people got all this money and you get everything for free...you have everything you want in the world, why you gotta come out where the little people hang out and ruin this for us now?"

Damn good question Loca. Currently, Paris has about 3000 subscribers to LittleLoca's 5,200 subscribers. Let's hope YouTube remains a place for the little Loca people and it does not turn into a creepy money making media driven machine.

Many YouTubers have been weighing in on Paris' YouTube arrival. Among them, the YouTube grumpy star Boh3m3 adds this video to the discussion (see video).

"Hey Paris, welcome to the party, now go home...You don't belong here lady, leave," says Boh3m3.

Perhaps Loca and Paris could have a fight to death in a special ring designed for YouTube viewers? I would eat popcorn and yell at the screen, "Go Little Loca/Stevie Ryan/OooLaLaa/The Real Paris!! Rip her hair extensions out and ram them down her throat!"

But until that happy day comes along, here is Loca's rant, the Anti-Paris tirade comes in at about 2:35 minute mark:

Supernan the Turd

Who loves the Supernanny? Of course, everyone loves Supernanny! Naughty children, good children and grown up ones as well! But do we love her enough to stalk her?

Below is a fucking brilliant video by a 17 year old British girl named Elli taking the piss out of "Supernan" with an Eminem/Dido "Stan" video remake. Margot and I have long been fans of our beloved Jo Frost (the Supernanny) and we also did a video about her which helps transform her show into a drinking game (take a shot whenever she says something is not "assaptable"). See video here.

There is something addictive about Supernan and her scolding as she confidently directs you to sit in the naughty corner when you have been bad (everyone should have a Naughty Corner in their homes, right?). She is so sure of herself, so authoritative and true. It is hard not to love the Supernan and that is why Ellie's video is so funny.

What begins as a harmless obsession with the Supernan, quickly turns ugly as her letters to her idol go unanswered. She becomes belligerant and vindictive as she continues writing angry letters saying, "The US has made you a turd." Yes, we tend to have that effect on people from other countries, it is a gift, I know.

Also, Elli does some crafty re-editing of a Supernanny appearance on an American talk show which proves that Elli is an editing whiz after my own heart! Enjoy:

Make Love, Not Guns

So there is this creepy tragedy unfolding in Essex today with a bunch of shootings that left two people dead (see Burlington Freepress info here and WCAX info here). From the little bit of info they are releasing, it seems to be that a guy shot his ex-girlfriend and her mother as well as a bunch of other people along the way. And you ask yourself, how does love get to this point?

When I was 19 and in my senior year of college, a teenager went on a shooting rampage and killed my Spanish professor and an 18 yr old student (see info here). The shooter will spend the rest of his life in jail and some of his other victims still can't walk. The night of the shootings it was snowing and we were all holed up in our dorms waiting to hear what was going on - who was hurt, who was shooting and if he/she was going to come knocking at our door. It was a surreal evening and what I remember most was watching the snow fall outside the window while we awaited news.

To counteract the mood that senseless shootings can inspire, here is a montage all about love baby, yeah!

Happy Birthday Tanner!

Today Tanner Moore McCuin turns 25 yrs old which is sort of a big birthday what with it being a quarter of a century and all. Happy birthday baby, here is a little Madonna montage I threw together to celebrate:

Sulu Goes Wild!

Tan and I nearly pissed ourselves last night watching William Shatner's Roast on Comedy Central. The best roaster, by far, in my humble opinion, was the recently out-of-the-closeted George Takei, also known as Captain Sulu of Star Trek. And I am not just saying that because he made a lot of "pussy jokes" (although that helped).

According to Sulu's bio, he will be born in 2237 in San Francisco (nudge, nudge) and he has a penchant for old style handguns. Takei spent most of Shattner's roast laughing in the most lovely, open-mouthed fashion which you will have to SEE to enjoy properly.

As with all good things, someone edited together all of Sulu's boisterous, toothy laughter and posted it to YouTube. Needless to say, I think I love this man.

Paris Pollutes YouTube

“I think every decade has an iconic blonde — like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana — and right now, I’m that icon.” - Paris The Humble Hilton

Just what YouTube needed, another barely-dressed, attention-starved, meagerly-talented individual hocking her whares. The only difference is that this one is already famous AND rich, which makes it slightly odd that she would bother to appeal to YouTubers at all. But the massive media machine has begun its complex machinations and, in order to break into the music industry like gangbusters, Paris Hilton is reaching out to the YouTube community.

The question is, are YouTubers listening? How will the hard to market to YTC (YouTube Community) respond to Paris and her plea for high record sales? Will they buy into her well-produced, cotton candy confection pop or will they chew her up and spit her out like saavy consumers?

Well, Paris is the 11th most subscribed channel this week on the YT. Subscriptions are what show how popular you are in the YTU (You Tube Universe) and this means Paris is doing just fine. Also, her home YT page claims that she logged in 25 minutes ago, me thinks it is far more likely that one of her computer saavy minions logged in to post more Paris slosh for her new subscribers to lap up.

Here is Paris' video actually addressing the You Tubers (see video) and entitled, "Hey YouTube - xoxo Paris." Enjoy her vacant-eyed, souless-stare as she mumbles, "Hey You Tubers, it's Paris, buy my album and make me more rich than the King of Persia, k, that's hot!" or something like that.

"OMG, did Paris Hilton just talk, like, to ME! I am going to die and go to heaven! That is SO COOL!" exclaimed YouTubers all over the world! Or did they?

jonmcsingee (11 hours ago)

Hey Paris! Welcome to youtube and I really like this song! Hope you keep making the music you love cuz it's obvious you have so much fun doing it and it translates to your songs. Forget the haters and do yo thang, girl!

The best part about Paris' predominantly positive 400+ comments is that people are responding to her as though she is the one posting on YouTube. Yes, I am sure that is the case and she will go and check out your videos and comment on your music as requested, yeah, and monkeys might fly out of her butt too! They really might, she owns a bunch of 'em!

bumgum (7 hours ago)

holy shit, i can't believe that stars actually do normal things like watch you tube!!! this changes my whole perspetive on celebrities!!!

mark as spam

nefa2ious (10 hours ago)

Paris, welcome to YouTube. My account is new aswell, but I've been kickin' and creepin' around for a long while. It says I'm a musician, but I'm not here to pursue a music career; it's just that I've studied and practiced music and like to compose now and then. Anyway, back on the subject: you'll shine on here; no doubt about that. Keep it fresh and poppin':) All the best. Again, welcome to YouTube.com.

Yes Paris, welcome to YouTube, I am so glad to know that you, like the rest of America, are sitting around in your lingerie late at night surfing the internet and trying to reach out to strangers by posting your videos! You are lonely and dissatisfied just like the rest of us! Oh wait, weren't you out partying with Jared Leto last night until 4am - you mean, you aren't a loser like the rest of us? So sad. My dreams are dashed. And did you know about Paris' high IQ? Again, I am shocked!

simbiotic (7 hours ago)

What most people dont realise is Paris has an iq of 165. Hard to beleave but she is realy smart. I like her at least shes honest. lol What she does and the way she acts is just a big CON she is a genius like her Grandfather. GOODONYA PARIS LMAO ;-)

Is this the YouTube of the future? Will the lonely girls, dirty whores and lazy dorks be replaced by 2D blonde bimbos out to make a buck by spewing their over-mixed pop into the teen feeding tube that is YouTube?

There was a glimmer of hope when Geriatric1927 became a YouTube sensation. This, I thought to myself, is the way YouTube needs to go. This is the YouTube of the future! We can reach out to different countries and generations and get to know one another through the magic of the internet! Yeah for technology!

But if over-exposed media-hobags like Paris are the future of YouTube, there is no room for this dream. If YouTube becomes a marketplace where generic media crap is sold to hungry viewers, then it is no different than TV. All of the YouTube, everyman-magic is lost.

As of this moment, Paris has 485 subscribers to geriatric1927's 22,000 subscribers. I can only hope that all the positive comments on her vid will be water under the bridge and Paris and her easy-listening pop will be a thing of the past once she begins to age and wrinkle. After all, don't you need a SOUL to be a musician? And we all know that she is one of a special breed of pretty people who was born without the baggage of a soul or a conscience or a sense of shame.

Last year, the author Naomi Wolf was quoted as saying Hilton is “an empty signifier you can project anything onto” — but she was wrong. To fans and haters alike, Hilton signifies the base desires of the age: money, sex and low body fat. So the interesting question is not why she fascinates us (we’re shallow), but how much her public persona matches her private self. I know for a fact that the airhead sauce-pot people love to hate is, at least in part, a creation. Because while teens are busy buying her perfume, sleazebags watching her fornicate online and intellectuals debating her worth, Hilton is making a second fortune. Forbes magazine estimated her earnings last year at £4m. Soon, her business profits will have eclipsed the inheritance on which the whole fantasy about her hinges, a sum she has to share with multiple other grandchildren, and which, though impressive, would never have landed her in the Sunday Times Rich List. - Gile Hattersley, read article here

Perhaps in 60 years, if YouTube is still around, Paris can start posting webcam videos pleading for attention from the confines of her swanky nursing home. She can even do a nursing home sex tape with Orlando Bloom! THEN, if I am still alive, I will watch her videos and become her biggest fan. But until then, PISS OFF PARIS. You are only stinking up the YouTube pond with your Barbie doll music. But maybe I am just being jealous, or gay...?

jbfin2005 (2 hours ago)

Wow that's awesome! You sound so great and you look like Barbie! lol thats great congrats and lots of luck to you. I think its gay how people act towards you..the truth is their jealous, and why shouldn't they be?! You're just too hottttt!

Is it tough? “It can be. Sometimes I feel like the media uses me as a punchbag.” What did you expect? “I know, but it doesn’t stop it being lame. But I love my job, and I think I’ve earned the right to be happy now. God gives you good karma if you work hard and play nice.” You’re religious? “Yes, Catholic.” Do you keep a Bible by your bed? “No.” Just a camcorder? At this, the smart blonde flicks her hair and deadpans, “Whatever, man. At least I’ll always be remembered.” - Gile Hattersley, read article here

K-Fed the Bland

With much anticipation, we eagerly switched from a 2 yr old rerun of our show on Channel 15 to the Teen Choice Awards where Kevin Federline was closing the show with a rap from his soon to be released album (see video here). Oooh, were we ever excited, finally that fertile parasite of a husband was going to DO something instead of just partying with his homies, speeding in his sportscar and walking red carpets from coast to coast. But was Kevin nervous? Surely this was a lot of pressure riding on his meager shoulders...

"I'm not freaked out at all, man. There ain't no way. I'm ready. It's going to be incredible. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve here and there. I've been getting people ready, I think, you know. Now I think they're ready. I'm ready. I've been getting ready myself. It’s taken me a year almost. I mean I’m ready to perform, my music is ready to be heard. Everything. Just ready to step out and do it." Kevin, Optimism is my Middle Name, Federline

Hmm, well I am glad to see that K-Fed's nerves are not too frazzled from all this excitement. Still, one wonders what the show will be like? Again, here is Kevin's prediction.

"I think I'm going to go for the Oh-my-God factor. That's what I'm aiming for." - K-Fed the Arrogant

Wow, well, at least Kevin is not hurting in the humility department. He seemed primed and ready to GO! After some truly painful chit chat between vacant-eyed Jessica Simpson (or was it Ashlee? hard to tell these days) and Dane Cook, Britney Spears was introduced amidst much teenage girl screaming.

The screeching was so ear splitting that Britney could not get out her sentence and had to say, "Shhhhh, y'all!" The pop princess appeared ready to bust and her HUGE pregnant belly peeked out from under a revealing busty baby doll dress. While snapping gum and smiling girlishly like a proper teen queen, she asked the audience to welcome her husband, Kevin Federline.

"This show has been very good to me and my career over the years," she said, chomping on her ever-present chewing gum. "And I'm hoping that it will be as good to our next performer." Britney Spears

The first person who popped up was a miniature version of K-Fed who was lip syncing to a backing track. The second person who popped up was a slightly larger version of K-Fed only with a big mass of curly hair. He lip synced as well.

"Where is he? HE better not be lip syncing," I screamed at the TV!

Finally, after much ado, Kevin himself popped up. He was wearing a big gold necklace and a white loose shirt. I am not sure why, but he spent most of his performance hunched over like a Quasimodo. He played to the crowd and stalked around the stage like Britneys beloved tiger. Not until the end of the song did he actually dance a little bit. He was rapping live but I couldn't make out any of the trash he was talking. Half of it was cut out due to dirty language.

Federline's rap unsurprisingly included some choice lines about being a "superstar" and moving to "a new tax bracket." Surprisingly, the show-capping performance seems to be mildly well-received, with semi-praise begrudgingly heaped on the rapper for not making the performance the train wreck critics imagined--and maybe hoped for. - Gina Serpe

It was all over in the blink of an eye and, needless to say, it was a bit of a let down. It was neither good nor bad. It just sort of...was. The funny part is that this would be rap star is a celebrity for one reason only, being Mr Britney Spears. In a way, I am happy that we have advanced so much as a culture that a kept man can get some cred just like the kept women of yesteryear. But really, it is a small advancement.

I am glad to say that, for once, I totally support the You Tube haters and the flamers heaping scorn onto K-Fed's baseball capped, rapping head. You can see the video here and read the comments here. My favorite ones so far:

chachainsaw (59 minutes ago)
that was terrible. now little girls think its cool to be a fat pregnant whore.

SadistcSweethart (5 hours ago)
holy shit, I think the only interesting thign in this video was brittney's pregnant slut outfit with her boobs hanging out. This guy is a fucking joke, and the only thing he'll ever be famous for is Fucking Brittney Spears & knocking her up.

darthphunk (4 hours ago)
I have to poop now...THANKS KEVIN FEDERLINE

Still, I am glad K-Fed is doing something. Did he attain the Oh-my-God factor, me thinks not. But here is someone who does. Oh Ewan McGregor, why can't more gentlemen be just like you? You possess such a sweet, open, earnest smile and what about your amazing ability to sing like Frank Sinatra and dance like Gene Kelly? Ewan is the mold that the new men should be placed in. He has more sex appeal and talent in the tip of his little pinky finger than a gaggle of rapping K-Feds. Sigh...

Everybody Does It

Once again You Tube has surprised me! There are hundreds of videos of people recording themselves...er, ehm, hee hee...well, shall we say, "satisfying themselves" in front of a camera. My, Miss Manners would be shocked, she really would. Such an intimate moment, broadcast for all the world to see!? Still, it is like the song by Cole Porter says...

Let's Do It
Lyrics and Music by Cole Porter

When the little bluebird
Who has never said a word
Starts to sing Spring
When the little bluebell
At the bottom of the dell
Starts to ring Ding dong Ding dong
When the little blue clerk
In the middle of his work
Starts a tune to the moon up above
It is nature that is all
Simply telling us to fall in love

And that's why birds do it, bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love

Cold Cape Cod clams, 'gainst their wish, do it
Even lazy jellyfish do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love

I've heard that lizards and frogs do it
Layin' on a rock
They say that roosters do it
With a doodle and cock

Some Argentines, without means do it
I hear even Boston beans do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love

When the little bluebird
Who has never said a word
starts to sing Spring spring spring
When the little bluebell
At the bottom of the dell
Starts to ring Ding ding ding
When the little blue clerk
In the middle of his work
Starts a tune

The most refined lady bugs do it
When a gentleman calls
Moths in your rugs they do it
What's the use of moth balls

The chimpanzees in the zoos do it,
Some courageous kangaroos do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love

I'm sure sometimes on the sly you do it
Maybe even you and I might do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love

We Love Fat

A new study has come out stating that the number of obese people in the world has recently surpassed the number of hungry people. The solution to this imbalance seems obvious, have the hungry people eat the fat people. Problem solved. Duuuuuh.

Like many American females, we here at The Deadbeat Club are fascinated by the weight battle that plays out on TV, in movies, magazines and our own bathroom mirrors. It is quite strange watching the stars change shape in the blink of an eye and measuring their amount of exposure and its direct relationship to their expanding or shrinking waistlines.

What is a confused, overwhelmed modern day American girl to do when it comes to the trials and tribulations of weight? Make videos of course! DBC has done many videos about America's obsession with weight. You can watch them all in this handy dandy playlist - DBC Weight. And of course, there are always the Skel-Fab Club girls whose tales of dieting will leave you cold (Skel-Fab videos).

In several human cultures, obesity is associated with physical attractiveness, strength, and fertility. Some of the earliest known cultural artifacts, known as Venus figurines, are pocket-sized statuettes representing an obese female figure. In contrast, in modern Western culture, a more slender body shape is more typically considered desirable. "Thinness" is often considered more important for women than men.

"Like, what?" stutters Hilary Duff. "Exsqueeze me, baking powder? That is just sick! Ewww, fat people were treated like gods? Pleeeease, that is just crazy! Everybody knows that thin is in, duh!"

Obesity was occasionally considered a symbol of wealth and social status in cultures prone to food shortages or famine. Well into the early modern period in European cultures, it often served this role. But as food security was realised, it came to serve more as a visible signifier of "lust for life", appetite, and immersion in the realm of the erotic.

"Being fat was considered erotic? Come on! There is NOTHING sexy about being fat, hello people! Look at me! I'm finally pretty now that I weigh 80 lbs! There is nothing more sexy than rubbing up against a bag of bones in bed!!!" squeaks the formerly entertaining Nicole Richie.

There is also a small but vocal fat acceptance movement that seeks to challenge weight-based discrimination. - Wikipedia

"Fat acceptance? Huh?," drones Paris Hilton in a monotone, "Well, I guess I can accept fatties, I just don't want to, you know, stand near them or anything...I mean, what if they get hungry and, like, try to eat me!? not that I can blame them, I am hot."

"Banzhaf argues that the food and tobacco industries are alike in many ways. For decades, tobacco giants employed scientists, marketers and lobbyists to downplay the threat of smoking. Now, Banzhaf says, food companies are doing the same thing with obesity.

More Americans work out of the house and longer hours, so we’ve become more dependent on meals we don’t cook ourselves. And in the past two decades, fast food companies have ramped up production and marketing to compete for our dining dollars: expanding outlets, hours, and portions. Fast food is now everywhere. All the time, cheap." - Stone Phillips (article)

What? How dare you blame the fast food companies for the obesity epidemic?! Fox News (article) resents this assumption and, even more importantly, how dare you say that being fat is bad for people!? So what if Americans are hefty, there is no proof that this is unhealthy! The CDC lies! Stay big and be happy! Take that you left-wing health nuts! Screw you and your vegetables! If kids prefer to drink cola, where is the harm in it?

"Once upon a time, food commercials targeted mom. Today, food marketing aimed directly at children is a $10 billion dollar industry. And two-thirds of Americans polled say it’s a major contributor to childhood obesity. A typical child sees 40,000 commercials a year. More than half of them for fast food, candy, soft drinks, and sweetened breakfast cereals." - Stoned Phillips

Latest Obesity Statistics

USA Obesity Rates Reach Epidemic

Proportions

• 58 Million Overweight; 40 Million Obese; 3 Million morbidly Obese
• Eight out of 10 over 25's Overweight
• 78% of American's not meeting basic activity level recommendations
• 25% completely Sedentary
• 76% increase in Type II diabetes in adults 30-40 yrs old since 1990

Obesity Related Diseases

• 80% of type II diabetes related to obesity
• 70% of Cardiovascular disease related to obesity
• 42% breast and colon cancer diagnosed among obese individuals
• 30% of gall bladder surgery related to obesity
• 26% of obese people having high blood pressure

As with any topic you can dream up, You Tube has many videos relating to obesity. It is hard to say if these vids are meant to celebrate or lampoon these larger-sized people but, as with all things You Tube, it is an intimate look into someone else's life.

Obesity is such a loaded topic that you have to admire the guts it must take to expose their rolls of jiggling fat. It is hard not to be mesmerized by the strange sight of naked flesh, pounds and pounds of it, as it rolls and heaves in such oddly beautiful waves of motion. Hey Weird Al, you were ahead of your time.