Place Between Trapezes

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin

It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . .

It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.

- Marilyn Ferguson

Life has been strange these days. Every day brings some new challenge, some new introduction or some new equation to suss out. My schedule changes so much from day to day that I can't get a proper handle on its erratic rhythm.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
- Alan Cohen

No complaints though as this life o' change was my choice. And this is what you get when you embrace the life of a loser deadbeat and avoid the life of a responsible working stiff. In time, I think this mess will all even out and I'll fall into some sort of a pattern that feels more regular. Or not...

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
- Henri Bergson

But at the moment, every hour brings something new: theatre games, dances to learn, improv, line memorization (eek), polishing of video skills, freelance gigs, Flash tid bits, new software and many new faces. There is something humbling about so much change all at once.

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
- Anais Nin

It is amazing how quickly one can revert to child-like wonder and insecurity. All of a sudden it is the first day of kindergarten and I don't know what to expect. Where do I put my coat? Do I have to share a cubby hole? Who do I sit next to? Where do we eat lunch? When is recess?

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
- M Scott Peck

Still, ever-changing times like these are invigorating. As scary as it is to try new things, it is equally exciting and gratifying. It is like doing intense yoga after an extended break. Your muscles ache and creak with the awkward new stretches but you know it will feel better hours later when you are pumped full of blissful endorphins. And then you won't be able to live without it!

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.
- Anais Nin

Anyway, what am I blabbing about, there is a hot pistache cardamom cake coming out of the oven and Northern Vermont is covered in snow! Hurrah!

For nothing is fixed, forever and forever and forever, it is not fixed; the earth is always shifting, the light is always changing, the sea does not cease to grind down rock. Generations do not cease to be born, and we are responsible to them because we are the only witnesses they have. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out. - James Baldwin

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal. - Arthur Schopenhauer