Thursday, December 07, 2006

The Office Personality Test

Which Character on
The Office
Do You Uncannily Resemble?

Take Our Simple Quiz!!!

For each question, pick one choice. Then count how many (a), (b), (c), (d), and (e) answers you have to find your Dunder-Mifflin soulmate!

1. Which of the following best describes you?
(a) A people-pleasing people person.
(b) The one who helps people chill out and lighten up, ’cause tomorrow they may die.
(c) A being vastly superior to the common herd.
(d) Someone who wishes we could all just get along.
(e) Eh, who cares? Didn’t they already make you take the Myers-Briggs when you were applying for this shitty job?

2. What is your favorite movie?
(a) Anything with Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock. Comic genius. Foshizzle!
(b) Dazed and Confused. You identify with Jeremy London’s character. He’s supposed to grow up and go straight, but that’s so boring.
(c) Two words: hobbits and ninjas.
(d) Edward Scissorhands. The unrequited love is so sweet!
(e) Office Space. It’s not comedy, it’s reality.

3. What’s your idea of a perfect day?
(a) Everybody who comes into your office leaves with a smile on their face.
(b) It can’t involve work. Unless you’re making your annoying co-worker sputter with rage.
(c) You save the world. Having been crowned Supreme Ruler, you institute laws for the betterment of all mankind.
(d) You win the heart of little children and charm them with your doodles, then flirt with the cute co-worker you want to have kids with someday.
(e) Your office disappears into a fiery crater, while you happen to be home sick.

4. Describe your attitude toward work.
(a) Some people say you can’t mix business and pleasure. They are probably clinically depressed or work for Human Resources. Every office is like a family, and every day should be like a family trip to Disneyworld! Within reason, of course.
(b) If you try, you can do all the real work in the first 20 minutes of your day. After that, the challenge is finding creative solutions to boredom.
(c) Exemplary. You are the best worker in your office. In fact, you’re not sure anyone actually works in the office besides you.
(d) It would be a cinch if the boss didn’t keep interfering.
(e) As good a place as any to nap and play Net poker. Also, it reminds you of one of those French existentialist plays where nothing happens. Maybe the one set in hell.

5. How do you feel about office romances?
(a) God, yes. If you happen to have a hot boss, by all means GO FOR IT. Where else would you meet somebody of that caliber?
(b) Uh, no comment. It didn’t go well.
(c) Only if you can determine that one of your co-workers is a worthy mate, as exacting as yourself. Then you will glom together like glue, and it would take Stormtroopers to part you. But for Thor’s sake, have the sense to be discreet!
(d) A flirtation with a cute co-worker can be fun, but you’ll get hurt if you take it too seriously.
(e) No. Just no.

6. What is your favorite office supply?
(a) The executive brain-teaser toys that decorate your desk and make you feel like an executive. But also a little kid!
(b) Anything you can encase in Jell-O.
(c) The staple gun, because it doubles as a weapon in the event that Cuban guerillas or terrorists invade.
(d) Paper clips, because they make good projectiles for shooting into your co-worker’s coffee cup.
(e) Favorite? Office supply? Those words don’t go together.

7. What’s your favorite Internet distraction at work?
(a) Not porn. Definitely NOT porn, for reals! You like And Kitten Wars, because they’re so durn cute!
(b) Inter-what? Why stare at a computer some more when you could be pranking your co-workers?
(c) You have a blog, which is naturally your favorite site, but you would NEVER update your blog at work. Work is for working!
(d) Browser games with cute graphics.

8. Who do you think is the luckiest person in the Dunder-Mifflin Scranton branch?
(a) Ryan the (former) temp. He’s just so cute. And smart!
(b) Stanley. He’s close to retirement.
(c) Hmm, you’re torn. Michael’s obviously lucky, because he’s the boss. And he slept with
Jan! But Angela’s lucky too, because she has the love of a real man.
(d) Phyllis. She found true love, and her engagement probably won’t last for three years.
(e) Meredith. She’s passed out most of the time.

9. Whom do you feel sorry for on The Office?
(a) Dwight. The guy’s such a dweeb! You just know they made fun of him in high school. Thank God you’re not like that.
(b) Pam. It must’ve been hard calling off her wedding.
(c) Compassion is a sign of weakness. However, you pity Jim for being an all-round underachiever.
(d) Michael. He’s clueless, but he tries so hard!
(e) Why should you feel sorry for anyone? Don’t these people exist just to amuse you?

10. What is your fondest desire?
(a) To be loved. By everyone. No exceptions.
(b) To see the world and have adventures. OK, not really. But it sounds good, doesn’t it? You wish you had a little more ambition.
(c) To try some martial arts moves on Chuck Norris and kick his ass.
(d) To own a pretty house in the country, surrounded by flowers, where you can sip tea and do arty things. Sort of like Anne of Green Gables.
(e) To spend each day in a merciful haze of indifference, or possibly Vicodin.

11. What is your greatest regret?
(a) Regrets, you’ve had a few. Just like Gary Oldman in that movie about Kurt Cobain, or something. Seriously though, you regret that CAA doesn’t have enough talent agents
to send one to every Chili’s in America on Friday night.
(b) You waited too long to tell someone how you really felt.
(c) Too many people fail to recognize your excellence. America’s sudden descent into Mad Max savagery, after the oil runs out, will probably bring them around. Who’ll be laughing at your weapon collection then?!
(d) You care too much about keeping up appearances—enough to let something good slip away.
(e) You got up this morning. Why did you do that?

12. Whom do you trust?
(a) In your secret heart of hearts, nobody. Least of all yourself. Everyone is a potential heckler. It’s a cold world out there.
(b) Your friends. You’re good at making friends, and you figure that’s your saving grace.
(c) First, you. Second, your mate. Third, your sensei. Fourth, the spirit of your hardy Teutonic ancestors. Fifth, your boss. That doesn’t mean you won’t try a palace coup when you have the chance!
(d) Your mom.
(e) Definitely no one you’ve ever had a relationship with.

More than six (a) answers? You are MICHAEL SCOTT. Foshizzle. Whazzup? No, seriously—stop leaving messages on Jan’s machine! You know you aren’t the master of the universe, and you can’t really control everybody’s behavior, but that isn’t making you any less psycho.

More than six (b) answers? You are JIM HALPERT. The Jims of this world make it tolerable for the rest of us. But will they ever evolve beyond the sweet popular boy who giggled with us in algebra class?

More than six (c) answers? You are DWIGHT SCHRUTE. If you don’t know what that entails, hie thee to Schrute Space. If it makes you feel better, you don’t know you aren’t master of the universe, and this makes you far happier than Michael. It could also make you dangerous if you ever get into politics.

More than six (d) answers? You are PAM BEESLEY. Cute as a button, but you need to learn to stand up for yourself, sweetie. If people like you and Jim don’t reproduce, we could end up with a world of Ryans too zoned out to care that they live under the fascist thumb of a Dwight.

More than six (e) answers? You are RYAN THE TEMP. Or possibly TOBY. Hell, there’s a little bit of you in all of us. You tell yourself you only hate your job, but the truth is, that’s an excuse. You are exercising your God- and Constitution-given right to say, like Bartleby the Scrivener, “I prefer not to.” Why? Because you can. You are the reason America has one of the lowest voting rates among industrialized nations. You are the face of the future. You are Anomie.


the le duo said...

I didnt score 6+ of anyone! 4-b's and 4-e's...

I dont watch the show much so you tell me what this means, Ms. Eva-

Eva the Deadbeat said...

what!? you don't watch The Office!? i think you would enjoy it as you work in an office and you know much of its surreal inner workings.

i know, i know, why watch an office on tv when you spend your daytime hours in one? well, cause this office makes you feel better about your office and humanity in general - works for me at least...

it makes perfect sense that you are across btw Jim and Ryan. Like Jim, you keep the troups entertained and make the day go faster with your jovial humor. And like Ryan, you could care less about the bland goings on of office and are counting the minutes till quitting time. good combo.

i am more of a Pam/Michael/Kelly mix and that is NOT such a good thing me thinks...

Eva the Deadbeat said...

PS i gotta give props to the enigmatic Fuchsia Groan for writing this - she has a sharp wit and a love of The Office to rival all else! formal introduction of her to come later...

Fuchsia Groan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fuchsia Groan said...

Whoops, that was me. Just trying to figure out how to make a link. And apparently I can't do it, 'cause url tags don't work!

Fun Office link for any fans out there: Job

The Office is a franchise, like McDonald's! Or Ugly Betty! In France it's Le Bureau. In Quebec it's La Job, because they like to mix up their French and English up there. See if you can tell from the photo who is who.

Thus far, however, only the U.S. version has original scripts. Check out the New Yorker (online for the next week), which has a very long, pretty decent review of The Office. I can forgive Tad Friend for liking Studio 60 now. (Studio 60 became the show I loved to hate after Lost went on hiatus. Only problem is, Aaron had to hire Mark McKinney. I HATE Aaron Sorkin [not his politics, just his preachy, pseudointellectual leanings] and LOVE Mark McKinney, like to the point where I used to contemplate stalking him when I was in Toronto, so this is major cognitive dissonance for me.)

Oh, and the English Pam chick from the original Office is on Studio 60 now. So that WAS relevant!

And on an unrelated note, I saw Puppet Faust tonight, and it was awesome! I'm kind of a Faust nerd, and I loved this version; it made me want the CD of Gounod's opera.

Eva the Deadbeat said...

i wanna see the Croatian version of The Office!

Poor old Mark McKinney, must he sink as low as Sorkin?!