Sunday, December 10, 2006

DBCV7: Dating Tips

Yes, yes, I know this is too long to watch (Steve) but what can I say, I am learning how to self-vlog-edit, slowly. This here is a video response to a dating dilemma posed by "Marti" on my "Introducing Fuchsia" post.

I do not know who "Marti" is or even if she/he is a boy/girl, straight/gay, American/British or perhaps she/he is just spam? Still, it is an interesting question, one many of us face:

What to do when the fellow you fancy stops calling?

Below is my long, rambling answer with some help from my favorite films and Animal Husbandry by Laura Zigman:

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

marti webb CANNOT thank you enough. her shreaks of joy at seeing the video (when she had left the afternoon's classes to go home due to her grief) could be heard for miles i am sure

you're lovely ! xx

and maybe i will reveal myself.. ;-) but indeed, dating is an important issue for deadbeats.. we just sleep, eat, daydream and fornicate, right? so it was important that you addressed it, as a matter of urgency for all deadbeats!(i would love to go home to mum like you are.. but she's not having any of it.. so i have to work AND study :(.. maybe i should get "depression" or something and have to go live back at home.. muhahaha)

p:s: should i show sheldon bloom the video? or would that sound desperate that i came in highest need to some random bird in america for dating advice?

p:p:s: I bet you are a tigress yourself! ;-))

p:p:p:s: maybe you should post a video of YOUR dating history, naming-and-shaming all your bastard ex-boyfriends? (that said though, they must be brave guys indeed to incur the wrath of eva.. curly-haired girls can be biiiatches. it's genetic, ya see)

Eva the Deadbeat said...

dear magnificent marti webb!

YES YES! I DID hear your shreaks of joy (now I know what those distant squawking sounds can be attributed to!) and they were lovely! it made staying up 'till 5am to finish this vlog all the more worth it! even if i am a bleary-eyed monster today!

and thanks for sharing your scintillating tale of woe without losing your killer sense of humor. this is my first video response vlog and i thoroughly enjoyed it (hope it did not veer too sharply to Bitterland, maybe just a quick detour...)! hope to do more of these in future but of course, am aware that no one will hold a candle to the sassy MARTI WEBB - but it goes without saying that you set the bar very high!

i hope your depression cloud has lifted a little. it takes time to get the sheldon bloom poison out of your veins but, eventually, you will fully expel him and his fluids from your system and then you will be the NEW and IMPROVED MARTI WEBB! and then watch out fellows! meow!

and do reveal yourself one of these days, if not in this public place, email me privately as my curiousity is KILLING me! you minx Marti!

as for showing Sheldon Bloom the video, that is a tough call. on the one hand, who gives a toss, i mean, he is not worth your bother, on the other hand it might be nice to show him how wise to his games you are. hmmmm...you could show him the vid and then dunk his head in the toilet?

the best way to catch a tiger is with honey and porn, i find. and this video is sorely lacking in both. still, if you do show it to him, KEEP ME POSTED! and if need be, we can make a new video entitled, "SHELDON BLOOM WEARS GIRLS UNDERPANTS!" so there!

keep focused marti and uncover your inner lioness! the ladies can be quite the hunters too, make no mistake! and try to give as little thought and time to the sheldon blooms of this world as is possible. they are, after all, really not so interesting in the long run (despite his hot hot hot past in gay porn and the times he gave you a right seeing to in the lift, sigh).

you are so right about the deadbeats. what do we have if not sleeping, eating, gossiping, IMing, doodling, spacing out, YouTubing and screwing? what else is there? oh, my day job...right...;)

lots of love from across the pond!
yours,
eva the deadbeat American bird

PS a trip home for a cup of tea with mum is always a nice bit of salve, i find!

PPS i have thought about doing a video about the EXs but would have to obscure eyes with black lines or something - mustn't humiliate the wicked, or must we? how far is too far Marti? still, would be maybe good for a laugh. my mix tape vlog certainly mentioned some of the gents but left out all the fun, naughty details...we shall see how off her rocker eva the deadbeat goes....! stay tuned...

Q_Monroe said...

loved the vlog (after it finally downloaded -- must have C.C. fix this thing). anyway, yes, a tiger is a tiger is a tiger and it'll never change it's spots or stripes or whatever.

and sadly, even the ones who you didn't realize were tigers end up being tigers.

sigh. thanks for the advice eva. you are an inspiration to all!

Laura said...

You are hilarious. Your "counseling" session (a friend found this and sent me the link) was perfection -- where were you when I NEEDED help with dating?!?

--Laura Zigman

Eva the Deadbeat said...

Seriously, THE Laura Zigman!? Ok, breathe, breathe Eva. Really? Zikes! OK, if it really is you then may I just say THANKS so much for your great book which was the only thing I could stomach when I was crying non-stop all day long and avoiding food and sleep like they were poison (oh no, must not portray myself as total basket case...ah, what the hell?!!).

My dear sister took pity on the snivelling lump formerly known as her sister, and bought me your wonderful book (we had already seen the movie which my dear friend Abbie loaned me earlier). I devoured it in a weekend as though it was made of cotton candy. YUM!

Now it is full of many folded over pages which mark good juicy bits I like to rehash. I also immediately had all my friends go out and buy your book because COME ON, it is like chicken soup for the heartbroken! SO many, many thanks for writing it and know that you have provided stimulating entertainment for the masses (and not just the snivelling ones!).

How did you feel about the movie adaptation? I dig Ashley Judd but I have to say that I preferred your ending. I know they have to go out with a BANG in a movie but I liked it that you ended with your heroine moving on, getting over it, but always remaining a wee bit obsessed (we are girls after all, obsession may as well be our middle name). But beyond that, I thought the movie was a good bit of fun!

And one last thing, don't you think that Jane is a million times more interesting than Ray? It strikes me as odd that the more complicated, entertaining member of the duo should angst so hard over the departure of the less complex, gray-shaded boy/man. But so it goes. Again, I think biology plays a bigger part in this process than we have been led to believe (thus your brilliant book!).

Anyways, if you are NOT Laura Zigman, I thank you for getting my hopes up nonetheless because you just made my day! Hurrah!

Laura said...

Sorry to take so long to write back (I'm recovery from surgery! but enough about me!). And let me thank YOU for making my day. It's hugely flattering to hear someone say that AH helped them get through a torturously painful break-up.

As for the movie -- I'm a big believer in not complaining about film adaptations of one's books, especially when you get paid as well as I was paid -- there are worse things in life than not luving 100% the screen version of your book, right? That said, of course, (let the complaining begin) there were things I wished had been better: I wish they'd cast someone else besides Ashley Judd - someone with better comic timing and with just all-around better acting skills, for one thing (not to mention someone nicer, but that's another story)-- but I thought they got a lot right. Tony Goldwyn, the director, had good instincts but at the end of the day the studio made a lot of changes, including the most ANNOYING one about changing the title six weeks before the movie opened (they'd done a focus group with teenage girls in Simi Valley, CA, and panicked when most of the girls didn't know what 'Animal Husbandry' meant).

And yes -- great point about "Jane" (me) being more interesting than "Ray" (the guy who dumped me)! Isn't that always the case??

Thanks again for your kind words and good luck with the blog!
--Laura

Eva the Deadbeat said...

Dear Laura,

Thanks for writing back and I hope that you are recovering speedily in time for the holidays!

YES! You helped me SO MUCH! And many more people too I am sure! The only time my brain ceased its constant painful whirrings were when I was engrossed in Jane's enthralling tale of woe.

Everyone deals with suffering differently and I guess I am like Jane in that I turn into a scientist and pick things, relationships, myself and people apart to try to make sense of them - thus the video vlogs!

I usually end up uncovering more questions than I do answers but I guess such is the nature of the beast. All you can do in the long run is try to attain some sort of inner peace that is independent of the Rays of this world and all the poison/sparks that trail in their wake.

The thing about women and obsession is - it tends to backfire on us. It makes me think of Charlotte's surprising comment in The Agony and the Ex-tasy in Season 4 of Sex and the City (SATC: like chocolate for the ladies) when she suggests that the girls should be each others soul mates and men should just be fun, exciting, distractions, unworthy of all the time, thought and obsession we pour into them:

So at the end of the day, the girls celebrate at the coffee shop. Carrie's so depressed. The more she sat there alone waiting, the more she thought about not having a man in her life that cares about her. "No goddamn soulmate." Charlotte suggests that maybe they should be each other's soulmates and then they could let men be these nice guys to have fun with.

Later, as Big drives away, Carrie comes to the conclusion that having 3 soulmates already nailed down makes it easier to spot those great guys to have fun with and releases her balloons to the city.


It's a novel concept. Not sure why it is so hard to attain. As awful as the break up was, I know it was for the best, but as an obsessive animal female, it is hard to put aside all the feelings it dredges up. Scary feelings, BIG ugly ones that threaten to swallow you up.

That is one of the reasons why your book is so brilliant. It breaks it all down into animal concepts which I think are at play FAR more than we realize. Biology, what a BITCH!

Ah well, no more blabbing from me. I agree that Ms Judd was not the perfect fit (but am also glad for the parts that did work and that you got a lot of moola!). I was trying to think of a better fit - too bad Katherine Hepburn is long gone, I could see her skewering Ray and making me laugh while she did it!

That is so crazy about the title change. Hollywood and their teen test screenings always manage to muck up the works (got to see it first hand once - they took a great script and butchered the film - too many cooks in the kitchen!). Ah well, I am still glad your book got made into a movie!

Hope you have happy holidays and I will continue to study and take notes on these strange animal lives we lead!

Best, EVA

PS And THANKS AGAIN for taking the time to write!