Monday, June 12, 2006


WOW! I finally made it! I am famous in China! OK, not really "famous" but look! That darn Bai Ling video got featured in a Chinese blog. Wish I knew what the hell they are saying. Probably something about how "gay" I am since I get that a lot on You Tube. Especially from this teenager Heatherp2006 who has this gem to say:

New Comment Posted to video Skel-fab and Jared Leto that is gay you guys wiil never get laid lol you nguys are ugly and gay nicole rules

Aww, too sweet, from the depths of my very gay and ugly heart, thanks Heather! And btw, I thought that there were cooler insults in the high schools these days. Couldn't you come up with something more imaginative?

You Tube "IT" girl of the moment is the hot Aussie teenager Emmalina who likes to bump and grind in front of her webcam (see video here, you are a fool not to watch this!). Please note that this ONE video has been viewed 3 times more than my 91 videos combined. Perhaps I need to do a gyrating bedroom video.

At first I thought Emmalina was just another vegan bimbo talking about how it is ok to eat sperm even when you do not wear animals but she appears to have more depth than that. She discusses in depthly why she is not retarded (see video here, I guess I am not the only one being told how gay and retarded I am) and addresses a video directly to the "haters" (see video here). Upon reading her hundreds of comments I found very few haters so she either deletes regularly or exaggerates a bunch.

Emmalina also has a video discussing You Tube abuses and how she does not like old skeezy men to watch her dancing in her short skirts (see video here). There is an interesting discussion following that one. I mean, you have to wonder, what else does she expect? You Tube is populated by teen girls and horny men, there is bound to be some attention grabbing through sex and dirty dancing and some old horndogs wanking off to said behavior. Oh You Tube, what a weird, pervy web you weave. Or better still, watch "Oh You Tube, How I Love You" which pretty much nails You Tube and all of its fly by night bump and grinding celebs.

Meanwhile, my new favorite You Tuber is the "old" (as in 28 yrs old, a whipper snapper!!) Lazy Nerd (deadbeats and nerds sitting in a tree). Lazy Dork gets told he is a fag a lot so we are pretty much a match made in heaven. He does video responses to Emmalina (see video here) complaining about how few hits he gets. The irony is that his videos are a gazillion times more interesting than Emmalina's but his butt is just not as cute or naked. To quote Lazy Dork, "You Tube is like liquid smack."

Another good video by the shape changing Morbeck also asks why he/she is so addicted to You Tube and why we all stay home watching each other when we could be out "doing things" (see video). Morbeck dresses up like different people (often other famous You Tubers) and changes his look, gender and voice like a chameleon.

Another beloved You Tuber who wears wigs, crazy red lipstick and impersonated black women while pranking Taco Bell is the hilarious adaptor5148. Sadly, his user account was suspended because he went on too many anti-Nornna tirades. Lordy, I can't keep up with this crazy UTube Universe.

This reminds me of my teenage years and the hours I would spend in front of my bathroom mirror making up conversations, scripts and stories. I would hold entire conversions with myself about nothing, playing all the parts, getting all angry, happy and goofy. Sure, it sounds crazy, but I was merely a frustrated actor wannabe. Too shy to get up on a stage and perform but happy to make up scenes in my bathroom. Now switch that mirror for a webcam and voila, I could have made vlogs and friends from the comfort of my own home! I can't imagine my teen years with You Tube. I would have become a totally different person, hopefully not one of the ass shaking variety, maybe a circus clown, or a dizzy dame or something along those veins.

In closing, I have been thinking recently about faith and trust and how much I lack them both. I grew up in an atheist household, a child of intellectual, bohemian, divorced parents, amd a granddaughter of hard working, emotionally frigid immigrants. My father taught me how to critique and make fun of everything. My mother taught me not to trust anyone. My grandparents taught me very little because my parents got the hell out of Dodge as soon as they were old enough. For reference, see Hanni's Journals Part 1 and Part 2.

At a young age I decided most people in authority were jackasses. So how exactly do you learn to override all this snarky scar tissue and have faith in people? And what if you close your eyes, fall backwards and no one catches you? Man, I always hated that trust game. Here is my ass shaking (not) music video accompaniment - take that Emmalina! No don't, you will only laugh.

Here is a really pretty song about trust and faith by Bonnie 'Prince' Billy (see video). Besides being heart breakingly pretty, this song gives me faith, in what I am not sure but it makes me want to get up tomorrow morning. I guess we all just want to "matter," or at least, that is what Reese Witherspoon said June Carter said, so it must be right:

"And I want to say that, my grandmother was one of the biggest inspirations in my life. She taught me how to be a real woman to have strength and self respect, and to never give those things away. And those are a lot of qualities I saw in June Carter. People used to ask June how she was doing, and she used to say -- 'I'm just trying to matter.' And I know what she means. You know, I'm just trying to matter, and live a good life and make work that means something to somebody. And you have all made me feel that I might have accomplished that tonight. So thank you so much for this honor." - Reese Witherspoon's Oscar speech

And more importantly, what are they saying about me on You Tube right now?

New Comment Posted to video Sid and Nancy That fuckin retarded ugly bitch on the couch needs to die. How fuckin dare she call Courtney Love at "fat wannabe" I oughtta kick her dumb ass.. Courtney Love is the greatest person to walk this earth & EVERYBODY should fucking envy her!


thatguy2006 said...

greatests persons to ever walk the earth:
1.Courtney Love (duh)
2.Jeb Bush
3.Jesus Christ
5.Reese Witherspoon

Eva the Deadbeat said...

hells yeah, greatest EVAH. the earth is lucky to be walked on by them. but you forgot nicole richie...and who the hell is roynaldo?? mmmm?
love from the fabulous gay, eva

Fuchsia Groan said...

Hey, if you had the sense to watch "Lost" like me and everybody else on the planet, you would know that faith comes from pushing a button every 108 minutes. Seth McFarlane even referred to it when he gave Harvard's Commencement Address. No better authority than that.

Anyway, faith don't come from YouTube addiction. Never did. Never will. Actually, I think YouTube is all about the faith that being famous, any old way at all, will make you less dead when you die. Or, um, something.

Eva the Deadbeat said...

uhmn, i hope i am dead when i die. otherwise i may end up one of those You Tube ghosts that haunts the computers of hapless addicts like me making nasty, poorly spelled comments and the like...