Sunday, August 03, 2008

Balloon Assassins

"Hee, hee, don't mind us, we mean you no harm. We are not filled with poison gas that will slay you when your back is turned..."

"We come in peace, we are ambassadors of birthday joy! We would never EVER tangle you up in our colorful rainbow tentacles and strangle the life out of you, OH NO!"
"Don't we fit in nicely? We are colorful and crazy like the rest of this kooky house! We have no immediate plans to explode into a fireball that will destroy the entire block, not today at least..."
"Why hello little furry creature, bonjour, ca va?"
"Do not look at us like that! We can see you polishing your razor sharp claws and licking your lips! Our soft bosoms tremble in fear! We are delicate flowers monsieur, be gentle with us!"

"Perhaps YOU will be more reasonable? Do you speak Balloon? Are you hearing what we are laying down canine creature? Wait, STOP JUMPING ON US, your wiggle butt will destroy our delicate balance!"

"STOP LOOKING AT US LIKE THAT!!? WE CANNOT TAKE THE PRESSURE! Our armpits are sweaty and our vision is blurring...YES, YES, IF YOU MUST KNOW, SINCE YOU ARE DRAGGING IT OUT OF US! We did come here to assassinate you with love and affection. THERE, are you happy!?!""There, there silly balloons, take your pills and float off to la la land. The wild flowers will make it all better, hush now...shhhhh..."

".....aodbaf,mnafzm....."

Thank you sweet Undead Molly (and her lovely parents too!) for the balloons and flowers and cards and ELEPHANT POO. My birthday month has officially begun and it is two weeks and counting til I turn 30 fucking 5. Man, how did I get so old so fast? Is it just me or does time fly like a bat out of hell with balloons up its butt???

And more importantly, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ME!??

6 comments:

Q_Monroe said...

i think i will get you a month's vacation. wish i could. i've got a few weeks to think of the best present for eva who is turning 30 fucking 5, even though she doesn't seem it!

Eva the Deadbeat said...

i heart you Suz, i do. and i thank you for this vacation, i cherish it.

allison said...

Egads! Thank goodness I have two weeks to plan ;)

Will there be a party??

Undead Molly said...

Eva I had one more thing for you but I forgot it here! I will have a second delivery soon.

How did we get so old? I think there has been some mistake as I still feel about 14 inside.

Lesh said...

I will give you a magical bed that allows you to get 12 hours of sleep a night, even if you only take a cat nap (or a nap with your cat). It would work by utilizing wormholes and Meryl Streep's acting ability to contort the universe. Sorry I'm ruining the surprise...

Eva the Deadbeat said...

Molly - No wonder we get along so well!?! We are both stunted little kids trapped in aging, decrepit bodies. I'll be Bettie Davis and you be Joan Crawford...deal?!

Allison - I am too much of a loser to have a party! But you are always welcome for cocktails, any day of the week.

Lesh - As I stated earlier, I LOVE YOU. This is the best gift ever, even surpassing Molly's elephant poo and balloon assassins. I will conquer sleep and rule the world!!!