Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Deadly Dentists

This morning I was lying upside down and prone for 6 hours with my mouth gaping open as I was prodded, poked, pulled, yanked, cut and messed with, often almost choking on my own blood and spit.

"Pardon me, is that your elbow in my eyeball?"

"I am drowning in blood...gurgle, gurgle."

"That is not a good sound, is that a chainsaw you are putting in my mouth?"

"Hmm, how many hands can fit in one person's mouth??"

"WHSY YESSS, STRHSDJNGE WEATHMIGER, I DNKNOHW."
[Translation: Yes, what strange weather." ]
[What I am really thinking: "I cannot respond to your unimportant question. Your hands are stuffed in my mouth along with many sharp instruments."]

After 6 solid hours of this torture, I felt much like the gent in this Bacon painting. Mouth numb from repeated injections of general anesthesia, hands numb from clenching, ears numb from huge headphones blaring loud music, brain frazzled beyond repair.

Calgon, TAKE ME AWAY!

I know dentists are not inherently evil. I know they are trying to help me and give me a nice smile. Maybe I just need to find the inner peace to deal with this torture?

NOT. Instead, I am betting on Armageddon so I can fit in fine with the other toothless circus freaks. Hell yeah!

2 comments:

Q_Monroe said...

ouch. the things we do for beauty.

Undead Molly said...

Oh sweet pea. I would've come with you! I could massage your hands and feets and answer stupid questions for you and keep asking "Isn't it time to suction her again?".

When are you going back next? I will come.