Winter Musings

Today I trudged to my sister's house along un-plowed sidewalks lugging my sister's half of our CSA. Winter fought my every step, lashing angrily in my face, causing my clumsy feet to slip and slide beneath me, daring me to give up and return to the safety of home.

Refusing to relent, my feet continued to trudge along in slow motion through the heavy snow, as though encased in syrupy molasses. What is normally a 10 minute walk dragged into 30 minutes. Dark was falling and I was the only person silly enough to be out in the storm. I felt small and fragile next to the fury of winter.

I longed for Oakland and those endlessly sunny days, wearing shorts-n-flip flops, and easy unencumbered 80 mph movement from place to place.

Hours later I was shoveling my driveway for the 6th time this weekend (I am so not kidding, the snow has been relentless) and my cell rang. It was Jen Hing in Richmond, CA. We haven't talked in ages and I started laughing like an idiot. How did I end up here in the midst of a snowstorm fighting desperately to keep my driveway clear while Jen is across the country in the land that is forever sunny?

Life is funny that way. Who the hell knows where you will end up and why?

After a nice talk I went in to get cozy in my lovely and odd, old Vermont house. I am not really sure how I ended up back here in this winter wonderland but I do think I am supposed to be here. And having grown up with this relentless snow, there is a part of me that will always be enchanted and awed by it, despite its ferocity.

Maybe it is good to feel small and humble 10 months out of the year?

These are some photos of our snowy wonderland that I took two years ago when I was walking around in a state of confused shock. The blankets of snow comforted me then. It was a sure sign of beauty and goodness that I desperately needed at that dark time in my life.

And then came Stuck in Vermont and a warm home of my own strong enough to be battered by a winter thick with storms. In short, I am a very lucky and humble girl this winter holiday who needs to get outside to start shoveling again.

April's Winter Weekend

These days, if it isn't snowing, it is raining and if it is neither raining nor snowing, it is dismal and gray. Is this April? Right now in California, the yards are blooming with flowers and color, the air is fragrant and breezy, the sky is blue and the sun is beating down...sigh, I need a vacation (preferably one which involves non-snow-covered deck chairs).


Still, since I am not allowed out of town until June, there are some good times to be had in this chilly, gray, slush-coated land. Sadly, most of the goings on I am not allowed to mention.

Suffice to say, they involve glamorous costumes, lots of flesh, sequins, fringe, flashbacks to the 30s, juggling, singing, dancing, and sassy theater all coated with an air of bohemian je n'est sais quoi....say no more! No really, shut up Eva (no small task mind you...)!

On a less secretive note, I got to see Lyric's awesome production of Guys and Dolls Friday night with Fancy Dancy and ate at American Flatbread TWICE (hot fudge brownie sundae, pinot noir, fresh mozzarella/basil/tomato pizza...mmm).

Plus, both my mom and sister and friend Travis ALL had b'days this weekend! Happy birthday guys! Glug, glug. And what did I get my 73 year old mom? A purple bathing suit from American Apparel which she then returned for another suit, that just cracks me up somehow. Sounds like an SNL skit.

Oh, and there was that charming 3-way IM Friday between Travis in California and Parisa in NYC - so naughty! Days ago, Travis was jogging in the hills of San Rafael. No fair!

When I projected at the Rafael Film Center in San Rafael, I would marvel at its delicious climate which was never too hot and never too chilly but JUST RIGHT - all year round. San Rafael is perfectly placed inland with warm breezes, hot summer nights, farmers markets, indie films, a quaint downtown and the feeling of La La Land. No wonder Sean Penn lives there. Sigh...

Now if only the Vermont weather would realize that IT IS APRIL and it is time to cheer up, just a little bit, please! Weather like this makes me want to curl up with a good book and not leave the house all day, slowly work my way through my movie collection starting with the tropical Romancing the Stone...sigh...

IT SNOWED!

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so?
It came without ribbons. It came without tags.
It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” Dr. Seuss

Sigh.
It seems there will be no white Xmas for us this year...or will there be?

FINALLY! It snowed again! It was so exciting to peer out the window this morning to see, YES, a thin layer of snow covering the ground. I was even pleased to scrape my car windows!

By the time I got to work and finished our marathon staff meeting (my last one!), the thin layer of snow on the ground had melted already. NOOOOO!!!

Hours later, I glanced up to see little white flecks falling from the sky. FINALLY! More snow! Maybe there was hope after all!? Moments later a thick flurry had begun. I shouted to Suzanne to come and watch.

Mini-snowstorms are better than TV. It was mesmerizing watching the fatties shoot haphazardly every which way and the air was thick with powder. In the end, I couldn't resist running outside to dance around. That is what snow does to you, transforms you into a happy little kid excited by the simple things.

Moments later, the snow stopped and the air cleared. It is almost like the snow is playing hard to get, tantalizing us with little appearances but holding back the big guns for later.

What a naughty little minx! What a tease! A FLIRT! Well winter, you have wet my appetite and all I can say is, BRING IT ON!

“Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last”

“The snow itself is lonely or, if you prefer, self-sufficient. There is no other time when the whole world seems composed of one thing and one thing only.” Joseph Wood Krutch

Winter's Nutty Kernel

“Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.”
Henry David Thoreau quotes (American Essayist, Poet and Philosopher, 1817-1862)

Fall is on its way out the door and our yard is littered with multi-colored leaves (yes, I have a date with a rake this weekend - and by rake, I do not mean a dissolute man in fashionable society). It is a strange time of year. In the midst of this massive seasonal transition, as if on cue, my entire life has turned upside down as well.

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. - Helen Keller

Sometimes it is hard to let go of the past. Especially when it affords us a certain amount of comfort, stability and regularity. But this comfort can be misleading and will often prompt us to put off much needed changes in order to cling to its tattered shores.

Life does not accomodate you, it shatters you. It is meant to, and it couldn't do it better. Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

Ultimately, as scary as the road less traveled may be, what choice do we have but to grit our teeth, close our eyes and step off the ledge - trusting in our gut that we will hit solid ground evenutally?

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself. ~Soren Kierkegaard

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“This is what you shall do: love the earth and sun, and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence towards the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown, or to any man or number of men; go freely with the powerful uneducated persons, and with the young, and mothers, of families: read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life: re-examine all you have been told at school or church, or in any books, and dismiss whatever insults your soul.”
Walt Whitman quotes ( Poet, 1819-1892)

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven; A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck that which is planted.”
Bible quotes
I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape - the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn't show. ~Andrew Wyeth"Hear! hear!" screamed the jay from a neighboring tree, where I had heard a tittering for some time, "winter has a concentrated and nutty kernel, if you know where to look for it." ~Henry David Thoreau, 28 November 1858 journal entry
Spring, summer, and fall fill us with hope; winter alone reminds us of the human condition. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966