Monday, April 24, 2006

YouTube Bug-Eyed Fugly Frigid Man Troll


A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. -Oscar Wilde

I have been having an odd experience at youtube. At first, it was all fun and games. Tanner got me started and within a couple of days of posting my first videos (mainly bits and pieces from The Deadbeat Club), Scott Westerfeld, one of the authors whose books we reviewed, (read "Pretties" and "Uglies" for some scary, futuristic fun) had watched our video review and plugged us on his blog. C'est magnifique! Thus began my love affair with youtube and up went a ton more DBC segments.

As is the way of the internet, next came the "haters", the "flamers," and the "missing a sense of humor-ers" and I began to wonder about the glories of youtube. The comments became cruel and personal and they seemed to be centered around the Britney Spears and Green Day segments. I was skewered for being a "bug-eyed, frigid man troll crack whore" (not necessarily in that order) and other such lovely descriptive terms. For example:

eew what an ugly narrating bitch, where does that thing get off dissing other people?! seriously with that bright red lipstick and big bug eyes make her look like sum crazy crack whore! and whats with the cheap lesbian video too? who cares if brit hasnt lost the weight shes still a great person so fuck off ugly crazy bitch!

Thanks btd456! At first, I tried to exlain myself to these little beasties:

"Now look here you kids, I like Britney Spears music! Like Spears, I myself have zits AND a double chin! I am lampooning her in the spirit of irony and comedy. I mean, don't you little turds watch Talk Soup? Do you see any colors besides black and white? Does grey even exist in your world? Why must you take everything so bloody literally?? And more importantly, learn how to spell you miscreants!!"

It was pointless, the hate mail continued and I stopped responding. The rabid Green Day fans were insulted by my tale about Billie Joe and his drunken temper tantrum. Again, I couldn't understand why this story would make them so angry? I mean, Billie Joe is an authentic punk rocker who throws temper tantrums and cusses out bar maids! That is rock star glory for you! He should be applauded and adored for his naughty behavior! He is the real deal kiddies! But no, instead all the teens ripped into me for making up lies about their perfect little saint of a punk rock star. Again, it doesn't bother me that they don't believe me, but why are they so humorless!? I have favorite celebs and what not too. But if someone made fun of Ewan McGregor (my dreamy favorite celeb), I wouldn't attack them personally for it. For example:

i just watched this video for a second time and it made me even more pissed. u can tell that this is fake. Billie Joe is the nicest person in the WORLD!! and he is not like that. he would never do that. and its funny u should say that u like Green Day bc it doesnt say u do on ur profile.

Thanks BillieJoeRox! And even better still:

WOT THE FUCK I WISH I CUD SHOVE THAT WOMAN SOMEWHERE WHERE THE SUN DONT SHINE

Thanks kerplunkedpunk! Again, this is the glory of the internet - random, anonymous attacks on a spiteful, personal level. What fun! And when a teenage girl told me to suck a guy's cock because I was so annoying, well, I wondered why the hell I was bothering to post the videos at all....or live in this country, world or solar system for that matter. Jeez. Quel bore.

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. - Oscar Wilde

Listen to me, where has MY sense of humor gone? I mustn't be like these sour puss 13 yr olds who hate any shades of grey and humor beyond the potty variety (which I enjoy as well). My love affair with youtube was brief but I still get occasional kicks from it. Like my new youtube pal in So Cal and some nice emails from people in other countries who enjoy the show (!!??). That is all good. But it is always a terror to open up my emails and see who has ripped me to shreds each day. For example:

FUCK THAT STUPID ASS WOMAN! SHE CAN SUCK A GUYS COCK! GOD BILLIE JOE CAN YELL AT HER ALL HE WANTS BECAUSE SHE'S AN ASSHOLE!

Thanks XxAlexanderGordonxX !

These sort of lovely comments give me pause when I read my emails. I think to myself:

"Hmmm...I wonder if "billiejoeisgod" will have something pleasant to say. Oooh, it looks like, not. And what about "britneyluver2006". Ouch, no, that is making my skin ache....ouch. Is my head really shaped like an eggplant?"

Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. -Oscar Wilde

All this, and I am not even a popular youtuber! The popular youtubers tend to have videos about magic tricks, camel toes, funny accidents, or girls who talk to their computer cameras in monotones. Yipes! Pehaps this is 1% of what it feels like to be Tom Cruise. And Cruise, like the youtube teen watchers, seems to have no sense of humor or self awareness so maybe this crap rolls off quicker. Oddly enough, the Cruise scientology video I posted got lots of hits and no negative comments. Seems the rabid fans of scientology do not youtube...yet...(please don't sue me!!)...

Meanwhile, I am trying to take the daily youtube batterings and occasionally strokings with that famous grain of salt. I mean, soon there will not be much left about me to insult!!? They will have to get creative and then perhaps a sense of humor will begin to develop?! In fact, this flame about a Britney segment is rather well written, inventive and delivers a nice diss (yes, there are typos but that is standard):

I think that you are the deadbeat, look at you, you WISH that you could look a quater good as she does...i agree duckboy, this is the only place someone will watch your fugly face cause not even your "so called friends" will want to listen.... You MUST BE BORED, go and get a life golf ball eyes!!!!

You got me there Duchy0901! Oh well, try youtubing today!!! And if you stop by my videos, be sure to leave some creative comments (I beg of you, be kind)!

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. -Oscar Wilde

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are only too right with the "ways of the internet", people like you at first but then they start flaming and ragging on you.

That happened on my LiveJournal, started attacking me because they deemed what I wore as "homosexual" even though I write about my girlfriend (whom I have been with with for 3 years!)
I ended up with over 200 (or was it 250?) comments on ONE post alone.

I'm sure there are many lovers and fans of your shows out there, and you know that too obviously haha..

Keep up the great stuff, your blog is very interesting and amusing to read!

- Ivan :D

Eva the Deadbeat said...

Hey Ivan!

I am kind of new to the internet thing so I was (am) a wee bit surprised by all the anger and hating going on. i guess it is a way to blow off steam but...it's not the way i blow off steam so...i don't really dig it.

also, i find it interesting how many people on youtube slag on other people without even having the balls to post any videos of their own? i think if you are going to go around attacking people, at least put something of your own out there to face the firing squad. cowards!!!

that sucks about people attacking you on your blog. screw em! besides all the cool boys dress slightly gay - look at Bowie, Lou Reed, and Mick Jagger - they are some hot, stylish boys!!!

keep on posting and watching!!

golf ball eyes herself!

Anonymous said...

I think people who leave negitive comments should at least try to be creative or constructive about it and they should have a point. Some peole just go ranting on about how crap you are and forget to say what's so crap about you other than what you're wearing or their opinion on the shape of your eyes. And I don't even understand some with all the abreviations and capitals and sadly abused exclamation marks. Ahh well, if it's any consolation I don't think you're bug eyed or whatever.

The Le Duo said...

no offense Eva, but that 'golf ball eyes' thing made my day! 'man troll!' that is good stuff.

jb

cresmer said...

What a thoughtful account of the putrid underbelly of the internet. Golf ball eyes indeed! Eva, you must be doing something right to get such creative hate mail.

yankunian said...

Eva, I salute you. Give 'em enough rope, and the mean and nasty flamers will hang themselves.

And why is it that they are usually such crappy spellers? I've noticed this too.

Brooke said...

You have tons of fans. People seem more motivated to trash each other rather than post compliments. If I had more time in my day, I'd go over to YouTube and post a lot of nice things about your videos. This little post here will have to suffice. I wear an "I heart Deadbeats" club pin on my coat and several people have recognized it and voiced their love of the show. Hang in there, Eva!

PS-I'm starting to think proper spelling is a generational issue. Calling all people under 25-start spelling correctly more often and prove me wrong!

Eva the Deadbeat said...

thanks guys! you are like salve to my internet wounds. putrid underbelly, indeed! and here is a fresh gem from this AM:
New Comment Posted to video Weight Schizophrenia in America
The comment is:
wow you're annoying.

on the upside, they spelled "you're" right and that is a tough one!!! ah well, i will keep on pluggin' and try to appreciate these occasionally creative disses. for instance, got this creatively spelled goodie yesterday:
New Comment Posted to video Skel-fab's New Convert
The comment is:
The only dead beat is whoever made this!
and the lady in the video is hideous!
Hilary,nicole,gewn,lindsey are sexy hot young succesful just coz ur a looser no need to bring them down for fun.. *shakes head in disgust*

indeed, yes, i too am filled with disgust...
yours,
the hideous loser with the golf ball eyes (glad you enjoyed that one JB)
ps thanks for wearing the DBC pin Brooke!!!

Tmoore said...

bad speeluing r0xoorZ, and so do you baby.

Tmoore said...

i think the generation gap revolves more around the older generation being more concerned with old dogmatic approaches to spelling, grammar and syntax, and less with what sentiment/emotions/information are being conveyed.

cnoidesr the Beats, or the lost generation before them; they used new formats and of grammer, combined words, created newones...

i guess this is an open call to all you "over25ers" to get with the times, and prove me wrong.

lovingly,


7@|\|3r

Eva the Deadbeat said...

uh huh, yeah. as an over-25yr older (and then some) i can say that emotion and feeling is all fine and good but there are some frequently misspelled words that just get under this old lady's skin. for instance, the simple difference between "you're" (you are) and "your" (this belongs to you). likewise, the difference between "their" (possessive) and there (let's go there!). i am no spelling genius (that is my sister! really! ask her to spell something! i do!) but these little obscure differences are fun to note and adhere to. otherwise, u wil jus have everione writtin lik munkees. call me crazy, but i like my silent "gh"!
love and goodnight,
yours in defense of spelling,
the old fugly fuddy duddy

Q_Monroe said...

The mispelling gets me, but what I hate more is "LOL." Do you really think people are chuckling and typing at the same time? It's just too corny. Laugh out Loud, jeesh.

I kind of love their stupid comments about you Eva dear. It depicts just how stupid they are and how wonderfully creative and witty you are.

In fact it almost makes me BBLWAM (big belly laugh with a mwwaahahahaha).

casey said...

As it's been said countless times before: You gotta know the rules before you can break 'em.

LET'S consider the Beats for a moment shall we? As freaky-deeky as they were, I don't think they ever missused "it's" vs. "its."

Or "their vs. "they're" Or "your" vs. "you're." You get the idea.

I suck at math. However, I don't bust into algebra meets and start showing off my questionable grasp of the multiplication table.

Yes, emotion and intent is important. But in order to clearly articulate them, one needs to use the tool of language. Sure, you could always grunt and gesticulate -- maybe even draw a picture.

But I find words work a whole lot better.

That said, there need to be some established ground rules for usage. Anything else is just laziness, especially these days. I mean, use spellcheck, for fuck's sake! You wouldn't believe the number of freelancers I've encountered who don't even bother to do that.

Not that it would cure the redundancies, run-ons and what have you. But it'd be a start.

I've seen particularly atrocious writing from recent college graduates. ENGLISH MAJORS! It makes me wonder what the hell they teach in schools these days.

That's my rant. feel free to inspect my grammar.

Eva the Deadbeat said...

Glad I ain't the only fuddy duddy spelling defendent in the house. And nice Beat reference Casey! I do think it is funny though that when I was doing my wee "in defense of spelling rant," I found myself double checking all the words I was unsure of and worrying about grammar errors...yipes, i ain't no spelling god! i just like the little things like pointless "gh"s and apostrophe's in the right-ish places (notice, capitals interest me less).

which brings me to this amazing website that I found called: "The Apostrophe Protection Society!!" http://www.apostrophe.fsnet.co.uk/
which had this to say:
We are aware of the way the English language is evolving during use, and do not intend any direct criticism of those who have made the mistakes above. We are just reminding all writers of English text, whether on notices or in documents of any type, of the correct usage of the apostrophe should you wish to put right mistakes you may have inadvertently made.
Word to your mother Protectors of Apostrophes!

still, i should probably visit "A Little Help with Capitals" here:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/
handouts/grammar/g_caps.html


and in the meantime, here is some non sequitor fun with the Beats:

"Strip your psyche to the bare bones of spontaneous process, and you give yourself one chance in a thousand to make the Pass."
-William Burroughs

"I detest limitations of any kind, and intend to establish my ass some place where I am a virgin on the police blotter."
-William Burroughs to Allen Ginsberg

"Death hovers over my pencil..."
-Jack Kerouac

"My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them."
-Jack Kerouac to Neal Cassady

casey said...

As you might have guessed, Billy B. is the only Beat that continues to have relevance for me.

He's a hell of a chaos magician, that one. Some of his word-spells are undoubtedly still being digested by the Universal Tummy.

But it's nice to check in with the rest of 'em from time to time. It helps me recall the choicer moments of my adolescence...

My once-best pal (we've sadly lost touch) was Ginsburg's roomeate for a summer. He had some stories, let me tell you!

Eva the Deadbeat said...

Yeah Billy B rocks the beat house, no doubt. I, myself, was lucky enough to attend one of his workshops:

Billy B. introduces preschoolers to the pride of helping themselves and to the joys of nature as they dance and sing along with him in a celebration of life on Earth. Pre-school age only.

Changed my life, yeaaaah. Or maybe you meant this Billy B?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1282414/

Ginsburg lived in the little upstate NY town we called home in my younger years - picturesque Cherry Valley. My parents were bohemian flutists and not too into the beat poetry, drug scene but apparently, many a wild, pedo-party was held at ol'Ginsburg's pad. Sounds like my kinda party!

casey said...

Yeah, THAT Billy B! ;)

Oh, I forgot to say: pay no heed to all those web-flunkies and anti-Deadbeat doofuses. They'll never hold a candle to you.

Besides, we all know what a cruel bitch-mistress the internet can be.

But she's largely forgiving. Even of my no longer secret webcam "experiments."

Just kidding. I've never owned a webcam.

Eva the Deadbeat said...

Cruel bitch-mistress INDEED! Your webcam experiments!? I wanna see!! Hopefully my skin will eventually thicken, in the meantime, I still get the heebie jeebies! These are my most recent gems:

New Comment Posted to video Britney Update
The comment is:
what a stupid bitch!!!! I'd like to see her pregnant then she'll know how hard it is to loose weight

And from courtneylove herself!
New Comment Posted to video Sid and Nancy
The comment is:
oh fuckin shut up. yeh thas right always blame the woman. she paid for it in the end considering he MURDERED HER. i would have to disagree and state the fact that HE was the death of HER

Oh and americans reli cannot do an english accent so they shudnt try


apparently, courtney is afflicted with the spelling abuses of the younger generation as well! sigh!

abbie said...

eva bean.

a "howl" out to you as another push on the Beats true grasp of the English language...

"I'm with you in Rockland...where we wake up electrified out of the coma by our own souls' airplanes roaring over the roof they've come to drop angelic bombs..." SNAP! ginsberg busting out the properly punctuated souls' airplanes...

and from Ginsberg's "America"...

"I'm obsessed with Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It's always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie producers are serious.
Everybody's serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again."

DAMN! look at those properly spelled it's and its and everybody's...

yours truly, abbie...under 25er, journalism major, and daughter of a nazi grammatist (I'm not certain that's a word, but I'm breaking the rules and making it one)

Eva the Deadbeat said...

hell yeah you BEAT! break dem damn rules! and why IS everyone so god awful serious all the time these days? quel bore. gives me the yawns...

Brooke said...

One last post and I'm going to walk away from the spelling & grammar debate...I promise!

Improper spelling and poor grammar yank me out a piece faster than anything else. My favorite blog post of Tanner's is one that has hardly any spelling errors. The post was an emotional kick in the stomach, almost as tough as Morrissey singing "Everyday Is Like Sunday."

Perhaps I should create a second identity as "Brooke the EmoQuasher" and stomp about the blogoshpere heartlessly stamping out emotional blosposts simply because no one used the spellchecker. But I don't really want to be so mean. (See, that was a fragment.)

I like wordplay as much as any woman, but I want mine to come from a base of knowledge, not carelessness.

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