Bad Ass Karma

Karma is the idea that the good and evil a person does will return either in this life or in a later one. Among Pagans, the theory is that whatever negative or positive energies one sends out will come back to the sender in like kind.

Yesterday I fell down the stairs. I have done this before, but I always managed to catch myself by grabbing the banister and finding my footing again. Last night I was bringing my camera down the stairs when I slipped on a cat toy. I would have grabbed for the banister but I didn’t want to let go of my camera. For a moment I sort of hung in the air and my brain had time to go, "Oh shit." A moment later I was slow-mo slamming down all 12 stairs, my body went limp like a rag doll as it realized its helplessness to control the situation. Once I came to a stop at the bottom, before the pain began and before I felt able to move or cry, I wailed tragically, "I'll never be able to dance again!" And then came the flood of tears and self-pity.

Karma is usually translated as the law of cause and effect. That we suffer at present because of past harmful or spiteful actions. Karma underlines the importance of all individuals being responsible for their past and present actions. When taking actions, it is best to look at what effect this will have on others, and why is it that we are taking these actions.

After having a minor freak out at the mirror looking at my growing lump/bruise/rug burned butt and some much needed medical care from Dr T, I started thinking about karma. When random bad things happen to you, is it a result of something evil you have done in this life - or perhaps even in a previous one? (Damn it, that sounds like a friggin' Carrie Bradshaw question again!)

Karma is the total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.

T tried to make me feel better by telling me awful stories about other people who had even worse random physical accidents. As the lump on my rear swelled and throbbed and burned bright red, I tried to feel thankful that I didn’t break my neck, crack my spine or pull out my hip. It could have been worse, a lot worse. But still, I can’t help but feel guilty. As though I am paying the price for something cruel I have done.

When a Chameleon shows up in a dream, it can be indication that you are learning how to adapt to your environment, perhaps even a new environment. Due to its ability to be unseen an unnoticed, there is a sense of clairvoyance, remote viewing and auric sensitivity. Being nearly invisible allows one to quietly watch, listen and learn, appearing to have greater knowledge than is actually possessed.

Last night I dreamt about two people from my past. When I woke up, I knew what I had to do. I knew where the wrong had gone wrong. I decided I needed to try and fix it and whether or not it worked, it was worth the try, right? But is it possible to get your karma back to normal? Who is keeping track of these accounts?

Worthless people blame their karma ”
- Burmese Proverb quotes

About 5 years ago, I had a run of bad luck. It all started when we got evicted from our fabulous house in North Berkeley. For 5 years we had enjoyed rent so cheap that I was able to be a freelance videographer and spend most of my time bumming around town indulging my inner deadbeat. I was walking home one afternoon with an armful of groceries, coffee and a bag of scones and lo' and behold, an eviction notice was nailed to our door. That day was the beginning of a downward spiral that lasted for years.

Karma is always followed by its fruit, Vipaka. Karma and Vipaka are oftentimes referred to as the law of causality, a cardinal concern in the Teaching of the Buddha.

The bastards gave us one month to find a new home and since the UCB students had just snatched up all the good apartments, we were pretty much screwed. All 7 of us scattered and my life went quickly downhill: my rent doubled, my room was reduced to 1/3 the size, and I lost my backyard and the view from my bedroom window of the Golden Gate, SF and the Bay. I had swapped my plush North Berkeley neighborhood with Oakland's litter covered streets and my new neighbors were a halfway house of ex-cons. My life changed overnight, and what had I done to deserve it?

I know, I know, there are so many worse things that can happen to a person. And I was lucky to have lived in that lovely house for 5 years, even if I lost it in the end. There is always a flip side. But in the moment that you are being screwed, or in that moment that your butt is hitting one stair after another, it is hard not to wonder, "What the hell did I do to deserve this??"

A principle in Theosophy, Buddhism and Hinduism that states that we are the cause of our present conditions. These conditions are governed by the Law of Action: for every action there is a reaction with our deeds, acts and attitudes creating our future and making one ultimately responsible for oneself.

Like the time I knocked my front tooth out on my bike when I was going up a hill and my chain fell off. I had grown my permanent tooth in one month earlier and in a random second I had smashed it to bits. This prompted 6 years of painful dental work, thousands of dollars we couldn’t afford, and an ugly smile for most of my life. And what did I do to prompt that bad luck? Can a 11 yr old have bad karma? And how am I gonna pay for the 10G of dental work these darn cursed teeth still require!? And will my butt ever look normal again? Or will it be bruised, red and lumpy for all time? And even more importantly, what in the hell is this song about?

Karma Chameleon
Culture Club

Desert loving in your eyes all the way
If I listen to your lies would you say
I’m a man without conviction
I’m a man who doesn’t know
How to sell a contradiction
You come and go
You come and go

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
You come and go
You come and go
Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dream
Red, gold and green
Red, gold and green

Didn’t hear your wicked words every day
And you used to be so sweet I heard you say
That my love was an addiction
When we cling our love is strong
When you go you’re gone forever
You string along
You string along

Every day is like a survival
You’re my lover not my rival
Every day is like a survival
You’re my lover not my rival

I’m a man without conviction
I’m a man who doesn’t know
How to sell a contradication
You come and go
You come and go