3GinaB XMas Video

I love these British girls, really I do. I wish they worked in The Offasty!

Flynn XMas Party

What can I say, I am feeling a lot of love tonight and it is not just the 3 vodka-n-juices that I threw back in rapid succession (did I mention the 2 cups of eggnog that preceded them?).

Nope, it is quite simple really. I love my co-workers at the Flynn and will be sad to leave them in January.

Whether it is Nancy spinning Odele around the room, Paula and her big smile, Carol C and her crazy sweaters, Carol G and her reindeer hat, Gloria and her mad MC skills, Joan in the purple scarf I was furiously knitting all day, Carlos in his smart tie, Jack in his flashy tie, Andrea who even cut a rug with us in the copy room, Arnie who forgets to lock the bathroom door or my gaggle of gloriously hot gal pals that dance on table tops with me - I am thankful to have worked there for as long as I did and to have had the pleasure of meeting all these wonderful people. And it is always nice to go out with a big XMas party BANG!

It is a funny thing, leaving a place. Once all the struggling and the awkwardness is done, you can sink back and enjoy what you have.

I have been very lucky to spend almost 2 years of my life working day by day with this supportive, intelligent, hard working and creative group of odd people. They enriched my life and gave me the strength to take the leap to the great beyond.

They never once made fun of me for shooting silly videos involving office supplies and dance montages (well, maybe once or twice but it was good natured fun and who can blame them?). They accepted me for who I am and even loved me for it.

It is too soon to get sappy as I have another week or so left (and a going away party at which I can drunkenly wax poetic for hours on end). But there was something about tonight that left me feeling really glad and really lucky.

Getting gussied up in my office with the girls and then watching as we went up one by one to receive our individual awards (anyone seen the Dundees episode of The Office? anyone?), my heart felt warm and fuzzy. From the back of the room, we were free to heckle and yell insulting comments like surly teens.

I think that is what having a big family must feel like. You love 'em, you hate 'em, they support you, they annoy you, you tease them, they make fun of you - but you know them inside and out and you are all in the same boat together.

My award, "Most likely to be a famous movie producer," (HELLO, I'll take it!) was followed by my Yankee gift swap choice (think The Office yankee swap but without the Ipod). After drawing the #1, I was the first to choose and got to make the FINAL choice at the end of the night.

Choosing the biggest box is not always the best idea as it wielded an ugly white ceramic decorative basket (still not even sure what it was used for? roll retention?) but WHAT would I swap it out for?

I chose the alarm clock that made cool peaceful noises like water rushing and dolphins quacking. Of course, once this job is over, I won't have to get up early for a while and I can finally embrace my true deadbeat status for real (until I have to find a way to feed myself again). But I will probably need some soothing ocean sounds to get me through those unemployed hard times as well.

Then we all tromped upstairs to shoot the dance montage segment of the FINAL installment (sob) of The Offasty. Dancing on the conference room table, abusing office supplies in the copy room, guest spot walk-ons by Sky and Scott, and Carlos ripping his shirt off with wild abandon - it is gonna be a good one.

And no doubt, tomorrow morning there will be an Offasty email to ALL scolding us for scattering office supplies and not cleaning up properly because he/she is not our mother. And I will even find that touching cause I am a sentimental old fool.

Sigh, I'll miss you Flynn. But thanks for all the good times, the fabulous dance montages and for being the closest thing to a Big Fat Greek Family I could ever hope to find.

Take it away Babs:

Memories,
Like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? could we?
Memories, may be beautiful and yet
Whats too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So its the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember...
The way we were...
The way we were...

IT SNOWED!

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so?
It came without ribbons. It came without tags.
It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” Dr. Seuss

Sigh.
It seems there will be no white Xmas for us this year...or will there be?

FINALLY! It snowed again! It was so exciting to peer out the window this morning to see, YES, a thin layer of snow covering the ground. I was even pleased to scrape my car windows!

By the time I got to work and finished our marathon staff meeting (my last one!), the thin layer of snow on the ground had melted already. NOOOOO!!!

Hours later, I glanced up to see little white flecks falling from the sky. FINALLY! More snow! Maybe there was hope after all!? Moments later a thick flurry had begun. I shouted to Suzanne to come and watch.

Mini-snowstorms are better than TV. It was mesmerizing watching the fatties shoot haphazardly every which way and the air was thick with powder. In the end, I couldn't resist running outside to dance around. That is what snow does to you, transforms you into a happy little kid excited by the simple things.

Moments later, the snow stopped and the air cleared. It is almost like the snow is playing hard to get, tantalizing us with little appearances but holding back the big guns for later.

What a naughty little minx! What a tease! A FLIRT! Well winter, you have wet my appetite and all I can say is, BRING IT ON!

“Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last”

“The snow itself is lonely or, if you prefer, self-sufficient. There is no other time when the whole world seems composed of one thing and one thing only.” Joseph Wood Krutch

Bye Bye America

“Only the traveling is good which reveals to me the value of home and enables me to enjoy it better.”
Henry David Thoreau

“There is a third dimension to traveling, the longing for what is beyond.”
Jan Myrdal

“I would like to spend the whole of my life traveling, if I could anywhere borrow another life to spend at home”
William Hazlitt

“A man practices the art of adventure when he breaks the chain of routine and renews his life through reading new books, traveling to new places, making new friends, taking up new hobbies and adopting new viewpoints”
Wilfred Peterson

WHAM! in a Box

"Well, I was followed into the restroom, and then, this cop – well, I didn't know he was a cop at the time, obviously – he started playing this game. I think it's called ‘I'll show you mine, you show me yours, and then when you show me yours, I'm gonna nick you!'" - George Michael

Not sure what to get your loved one this Holiday season? This year, do like George Michael did in a public restroom and give the gift that keeps on giving (extra points for imaginative wrapping).

You are sure to score high points or at least inspire a throbbing 80s neon jumpsuit flashback. Go on...WHAM! her this Christmas:



Man, will I ever tire of genital jokes and men dressed as George Michael circa 1982? Doubtful.

Technicolor Ocean

Artist Oliver Mueller of Basel did not like my Brangelina video much. Or, to let him speak for himself:

oliviermueller
what the fuck.. don't u have serious stuff to do?

Sadly Oliver, no, I don't. But you do and I dig your pretty video:

Why Are You So Rubbish?

Who the hell are McFly you ask? Minimal research shows them to be a British version of N'Sync who have, as you can see in this video, adopted a slicker Panic at the Disco look of late (good way to stay NOW boys!).

They are not to be confused wth Marty McFly of Back to the Future fame although they are probably just as whiney.

All of these minor teen details aside, this is a worthwhile question to ask of McFly and of so much else in this world: WHY ARE YOU SO RUBBISH??

DBCV6: Junk Shop

“Buy, buy, says the sign in the shop window;
Why, why, says the junk in the yard”
Paul McCartney

In which Eva and Scott explore a junk shop in Richmond Vermont and find many obscure, mildew-covered goodies and ancient remnants of the past.

Best of all are the Life Magazines and their ads full of sickly sweet, forever-smiling happy people. Some of my favorites are the Camel ad which joyfully proclaims that "More doctors smoke camels than any other cigarettes."

Oh, you don't say! Not to mention the fact that Camels do not cause throat irritation. Lung cancer, maybe, but no throat irritation! Hurrah, pass me that butt!

And I especially love the bandaid ad which proclaims, "Never neglect a thorn stab." You would think the population was full of thorn stab holes! Perhaps we are? And of course, every fellow wants that "Just combed look all day long."

The great thing about these ads is that they are not all that different than the ads nowadays. It is all the same crap being sold: Coke, Bud, sugar, cars, bandaids, hair gel, underwear, shoes. And they are selling it the same way they always do: Your life is incomplete without this insert product here.

On that note, the junk shop is the ultimate weapon for the anti-consumer this holiday season. Junk shops collect all the worn out, long forgotten items that supposedly should have been thrown out long ago.

The old magazines, books, dolls, knick knacks and doo dads that you are supposed to replace with something new and shiny - if you are a proper Capitalist that is. I mean, COME ON, you want to get ahead, right? You want to be the successful envy of your neighbors - then get out your credit card Buddy!

As we shop ourselves to death this holiday season and buy bigger cars, smaller phones and even tinier IPods, you have to ask yourself, when will it all end?

In a big bloody Mad Max style oil crisis revolution? And long after this day comes, what will the residents of the future think of our sick consumer fascination with the "new" and the "better?"

In the future, perhaps only junk will remain. And the new things we currently hope so desperately to own will be piled high on our big pile o' junk. And the planet will be just one big junk shop with bartering and trade our only way of owning things.

The junk shop as revolution, dig it man:



Note to self, next time, bring my video camera and interview the cool old guy who owns the junk shop, or better yet, his neato wife!

Office Cake

The ratio of people to cake is too big.
Milton Waddams

One of the many perks of working in an office is all the free food that magically appears in the kitchen and sits out on the break table waiting for you to eat it.

As lovely Suzanne (the infamous cloud eater herself) notes in her fabulous blog, this is slightly ironic, don't you think, 'cause the other thing about working in an office is that most everyone is on a diet most of the time. But this just means more cake for us!

The rainbow cake in honor of Gloria's birthday was particularly beautiful in its technicolor happy brightness. It came from Costco and it tasted like sugar-laced, heavenly goodness. Mmmm.

The same day, Amie brought in a peppermint cake she made cause her daughter asked her to. Man, those were the days when you could just ask your mom to make you a cake and she did it. Wait a minute, my mom never made me cakes on demand! Phooey!

Sometimes when we come together for an office birthday party/cake eating ritual, I am reminded of that brilliant scene in Office Space where they sing that lackluster Happy Birthday and my beloved Milton gets stiffed on a piece of cake. Oh Milton, I saved you a slice!

Of course, our singing has a lot more verve, but office party gatherings are inherently a wee bit awkward (sometimes more or less so when booze is involved). Such is the nature of the beast.

There is inevitably some foot shuffling, some misplaced threads of good humored conversation and some well meant attempts at togetherness. This is not to say I do not love these moments. Who doesn't love to take time off to chill with their hommies, sing a song and indulge in sweet, sugary CAKE!? Count me in!

The best is peeking in the kitchen over the remainder of the day to watch as the cake slowly dwindles down to crumbs. Then everyone waits to see who will throw out the container and, if it sits empty on the table too long, an email goes out complaining about it. Ah Offasty, I will miss thee and thy special rituals!

So like Marie Antoinette said (or maybe did not say), "Let them work in an office 40 hours a week staring at a computer screen and then as a reward, let them eat cake!"



Office Space + X Men 3
Office Space The Drama
Office Space The Crime Thriller

For Me?

Is it my birthday or something? Has Christmas come early? My new YouTube buddy Princess EricaLand made a video just for me! Wow, thanks! Good to know you have my back Princess/TRANEISHA! Now I can put down the knife I have been carrying around!

My favorite part of this video is when Erica/Traneisha says we can run over Dwayne with the car and pretend it is an accident! YES! And then we can break his legs with her brother's friends! Jobless cheating Dwayne with his plastic ass cups is SO DEAD!

Here are some choice excerpts but you really need to watch to experience the joy that is Traneisha:

"Are you serious? Are you serious right now?....You need to let his ass go. You need to get his ass. Girl, you need to get his ass...I got a plan...You don't need to be running around with no damn knife for his motherfucking ass and he with these crusty toes and no good motherfucking hos. Please bitch, you can do so much better. Tyrone already asked for your phone number. And once again, we can run over his ass!"

"You roll your eyes at me one more motherfucking time and I'm gonna beat your motherfucking ass...I went in the bathroom with her and I was like, bitch, you gotta get offa Eva...and she is like "Fuck Eva" and I was like, bitch, and I was about to go off on her. And I started getting in her face and me and my friends were all up in there...you know what bitch, we gonna come get you...Eva you better be down for this shit. Girl, I am waiting for your response, that motherfucker gonna get his."

"We ain't gotta get no knives bitch, please. Girl please, we grew up together. We got our hair braided on the same motherfucking porch, please bitch. You know what's up, we gonna get that motherfucker."

Be Safe

Sonic Youth Get Old

From Sonic Old to A Bull in the Heather...just try to keep your head from bopping, I dare you!

Beat That Cheating Scumbag Out of Your Life & Get Fit Trying

With a title like this, how can you resist watching? 3 Girls in a Boat strike again! And ladies, if you ever decide to become THREE girls for real, give me a jingle! I'll be on a Virgin Atlantic flight to England before you can say, "Bob's Yer Uncle!"

7 Days, Junk Shops, Spielpalast and Sunsets

Oh my, what a weekend. Is a new week really starting again...already? I need a weekend to recover from my weekend please! Sheesh, it seems I barely have time to have a weekend and blog and vlog about said weekend before a new week begins!? NOT FAIR!

Many thanks go out to the fabulous Seven Days crew for letting me tag along to my 2nd Seven Days XMas party (also thanks to my sister for bringing me!). Those cats know how to throw a damn fine holiday bash with tasty food (thanks Plan B), booze a plenty and a gift exchange to rival all others.

Just how does Diane the Santa do it: handing out gifts, engaging in witty reparte and keeping her drink fresh?! Duh, in leather pants of course! Tee hee!

Thanks Pamela and Paula! You guys and your gang are the best, no wonder your paper is so damn good!

A fun Saturday afternoon trip to a junk shop in Richmond lead to many musty smelling finds, some of which will be under the Christmas tree this year. Scott walked away with a bunch of Life magazines from the 20s and 30s to collage with. We marvelled at all the happy faces contained within - were people happier in the old days or were they just better at faking it?

I left decked out in fine jewels and laden down with many mildew covered books about the human body and true crime. Nothing like a day spent driving along snow covered VT roads and poking through dusty piles o junk that no one else wants (vlog to follow later, me hopes).

It is a funny thing about auditioning. It never gets any easier, at least, not for me. I can count on two hands how many auditions I have been to in my lifetime and they still fill me with apprehension. Even though I know and love Lois Trombley, my amazing and wonderful dance teacher, I was still dreading auditioning for her dance troupe, Speilpalast Cabaret on Sunday. Wouldn't staying in bed with a nice book and a cup of tea be a far better way to spend my time? Eh?

Of course, I was being totally silly because I auditioned for Spielpalast last year and had a blast. Definitely a fun way to spend a Sunday and far more fun than most uptight auditions, it is more like a happening dance class with improv to boot!

So after dragging my butt out of bed and down to the Rose St Coop, I was pleased to see that I knew most of the other people auditioning, small world! And we had an entertaining afternoon acting, dancing, singing, making funny faces and playing make believe. So thanks Spielpalast for the fun audition and I am glad I got my butt out of bed!

Finally, time to unwind after the auditioning adrenaline rush with beer and burgers at VT Pub and Brewery and then down to the waterfront in time for the magnificent sunset over Lake Champlain. And to commemorate, here is another vlog which is dedicated to Nelson Muntz of The Simpsons (who knew he had such a complicated backstory?):

"HA HA! I touched your heart!" - Nelson Muntz, The Simpsons

DBCV8: VT Sunset
12/10/06

Offasty Goodbyes

Miss Abbie asked me to post this old, odd Offasty from DBC25 in which we say goodbye to Aimee and Abbie - sigh - and the Flynn was never the same without them! And Lesh and Lisa and Kelly too! Sigh, sigh, double sigh. Oh it is too sad, all the wonderful people who have come and gone. Sigh.

This Offasty was a whole lot of fun to make, but complicated too as bits of it were a surprise for those featured. As usual, goofing around with Suzanne and Abbie was ever so much fun: carressing office supplies, having catfights and temper tantrums, overacting, dressing up, and dancing through cubicles and fluorescently lit corridors is always better when with these girls.

It makes me wistful to look back now since it has been too, too long now that the girls have been gone. How many goodbyes can one girl take? EH?! OOF, and the Madonna/Abbie slow mo montage still gets me everytime! Sniffle. The Offasty never really was the same without you gems!

Now I am getting ready to leave The Offasty nest (sniffle, sniffle) and I have been musing over the final Offasty installment. All I can think of is an episode in which I lose my marbles, only it is an actual bag of marbles. And perhaps I accuse someone of stealing them, via email of course, which will lead to some sort of a fight and dance montage no doubt. Hmmm....

And of course, there is still The Offasty episode starring the Lovely Lesh and Seth La Douche still to come (not edited yet) about the office tendency to Copy Cat outfits and pay avid attention to what everyone else is wearing. Be on the look out for that one in January's DBC29.

So without further ado, here is the third installment of The Offasty (featuring Ella the 3 Legged Wonder Dog!) in which you get a behind the scenes look at the lovely Flynn staff, an amazing family if there ever was one, and we say a tearful goodbye to Aimee and Abbie. We love you girls!

DBCV7: Dating Tips

Yes, yes, I know this is too long to watch (Steve) but what can I say, I am learning how to self-vlog-edit, slowly. This here is a video response to a dating dilemma posed by "Marti" on my "Introducing Fuchsia" post.

I do not know who "Marti" is or even if she/he is a boy/girl, straight/gay, American/British or perhaps she/he is just spam? Still, it is an interesting question, one many of us face:

What to do when the fellow you fancy stops calling?

Below is my long, rambling answer with some help from my favorite films and Animal Husbandry by Laura Zigman:

Perfect Pogues

Introducing Fuchsia

Illustration of Fuchsia by Mervyn Peake

It is not every day that a star of fiction and film, a daughter of an Earl no less, posts on this meager blog. Her head is in the clouds, she likes to yell it out loud, you may even find a Cure song dedicated to her memory, ooh, but watch out for that windowsill my lady!

So it is with great pleasure that we introduce to you, no need to stand ladies and gents, Miss Fuchsia Groan:

As his lord stared at the door another figure appeared, a girl of about fifteen with long, rather wild black hair. She was gauche in movement and in a sense, ugly of face, but with how small a twist might she not suddenly have become beautiful. Her sullen mouth was full and rich – her eyes smouldered.

A yellow scarf hung loosely around her neck. Her shapeless dress was a flaming red.

For all the straigtness of her back she walked with a slouch. 'Come here', said Lord Groan as she was about to pass him and the doctor.

'Yes father', she said huskily.

'Where have you been for the last fortnight, Fuchsia?'

'Oh, here and there, father' she said, staring at her shoes. She tossed her long hair and it flapped down her back like a pirate's flag. She stood in about as awkward a manner as could be concieved. Utterly un-feminine – no man could have invented it.

"Here and there?" echoed her father in a weary voice. "What does 'here and there' mean? You've been hiding. Where, girl?"

"'N the libr'y and 'n the armoury, 'n walking about a lot", said Lady Fuchsia, and her sullen eyes narrowed. "I just heard silly rumours about mother. They said I've got a brother -- idiots! idiots! I hate them. I havn't, have I? Have I?"

"A little brother", broke in Doctor Prunesquallor. "Yes, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, a minute, infinitesimal, microscopic addition to the famous line is now behind this bedroom door. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, he, he, he, he! Oh yes! Ha ha! Oh yes indeed! Very much so."

"No!" said Fuchsia so loudly that the doctor coughed crisply and his lordship took a step forward with his eyes drawn together and a sad curl at the corner of his mouth.

"It's not true!" shouted Fuchsia, turning from them and twirling a great lock of black hair round and round her wrist. "I don't believe it! Let me go! Let me go!"

As no one was touching her, her cry was unnecessary and she turned and ran with strange bounds along the corridor that led from the landing. Before she was lost to view, Steerpike could hear her voice shouting from the distance, "Oh how I hate people!". - Excerpt from Mervyn Peake's Titus Groan

Fuchsia Groan is the fictional daughter of Sepulchrave, the 76th Earl of Groan, a character in Mervyn Peake's Titus Groan and Gormenghast. Fuchsia is also the subject of The Cure song, The Drowning Man, which is about her death and mentions her by name.

Early Life and Family

Fuchsia is the firstborn child of Lord Sepulchrave and Gertrude. The right of succession in Gormenghast applies only to fathers and their sons, and for her entire life Fuchsia has been largely ignored by both parents due to her gender. Her caretaker is the elderly Nanny Slagg, with whom she spends the majority of her time. While Fuchsia cares deeply about her nanny, she also delights in tormenting the old woman with her childish antics and pranks. Fuchsia's brother, Titus, the future 77th Earl of Groan, is born when Fuchsia herself is about fifteen.

Before Titus' birth, Fuchsia is angry that her parents are having another baby, and she is determined to hate her brother. After the baby's naming ceremony, Fuchsia expresses delight that Titus was dropped on his head. Over time, however, the two grow very close, and when a 12-year-old Titus is imprisoned by his mother and schoolmaster for repeated questioning and disobedience, Fuchsia is the only one to visit or talk to him.

Appearance and Personality

On a personal level, Fuchsia is a dreamer and a romantic who escapes the dull pace of life in Gormenghast by reading fantasy tales. She is also a spoiled brat who disappears for long periods into her secret attic rooms to fantasize and to sulk, scrawls on walls with charcoal, and makes wild claims that upset the aged Nannie Slagg, such as, "When I am Queen, I am going to burn down the castle!" This is, of course, completely untrue, as Fuchsia will never become Queen.

Fuchsia's fantasies of romance and adventure seem to keep her forever young; throughout Peake's series, until the time of her death, she responds with childlike innocence to everything. Beneath her callous and bratty exterior, she is actually quite sweet and loving. She loves her father, though she barely knows him, and during Sepulchrave's slow descent into madness she often expresses that she "cannot bear" to see him this way. She also has an enduring friendship with Dr. Alfred Prunesquallor.

What Fuchsia seems to want most out of life is for someone to love her in return. Neve McIntosh said of the character, "She locks herself in her attic where she lives in her imagination. All she wants is a knight in shining armor to come up to the castle tower and carry her off.[1]" Fuchsia's favorite drink is elderberry wine [2]. - Wikipedia